*is every thing ok *

...... i hate it wehn teachers act liek your friends... not liek when thier nice to you cuz thats always nice but when they say hi to u in the halls when ur deffinitly not even one of the favorite students... and my biggest peeve is when ur obviously compleatly and emotionaly torn to shreds and they look at you staring off into space and say those damned little words .. "is every hting ok ?" like im gonna spill to doc that im scared to death about missing my period , that josh makes me wanna be a colombine kid and that ive started to loose control of my life again .. no deffinitly not .. so i nod and continue to stare and say uh huh ..yea.. im fine ... and continue pictureing myself pouring a bottle of super glue down joshes throat....

ever know one of those peopel who just hated you for no reason ... not exactly the kind of person u want to be friends with but it doesnt matter cuz its not that that bothers you its the fact that they dont stop .. u walk intot he class room and some one asks where you have been and then the person continues thier sentence with i wish u stayed there....

yep that woudl eb josh sept hes worse... i hear my name every now and again with a comment of how fat i am or how annoying my laugh/ voice is and how they wish i woudl shut up or leave or how they woudlnt miss me when im gone......

i dunno why but today he got to me normally i just cuss a little and tell evonte how much i cant stand him but today he made me feel like shit.. im nto sure why tho but i cussed... alot then im almost sure i was gonna cry .. maybe its cuz ive been in a constant state of hormonal confusion ... so yea.. all i remeber was hearign him say my name so i turned to see what was said then shawn tells him i heard him so josh procedes to go on about how he dosnt understand why i get all red when he talks about me cuz i know he hates em .......

yea ... fuck you josh



so yea..

another ranto n a totally irrelevant note... i was thiknign about things and i have never been in a relationship that took work .. everythign i do always seems to have either worked or didnt .. none of this im mad at my bf ... were in a fight bullshit.... deep down i always wanted it ... but theirs a wierd little part of me that begs to be stuck in an abbusive relationship ... ( i wonder what my past lives were now) but i think it has somethign to dow ith the passion .. if some one didnt want to have anythign to do with you then why woudl they waste thier time trying to make fights better or takign the time to beat you ... i know how horrible that sounds.. btu yea.. im a little wierd when i think .. i told my dads old boss exactlyhow to wipe out thier entire source of computers in one shot asfter seeign thier cameras.... and thats when i was 10 ... so yea... im not realy that psychotic.. u just want to think i am

but yes im in a better mood minus this constant run through my head about my period .. which makes it worse cuz stress can cause me to skip it for mnths! ... so yea

o i talked to justin today ... hes a very comfortable person to talk to but he has zero future so ill let her fuck him and he'll just be my friend lol ...

adios

vic