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* i see queen mab hath been with you *
last night i drempt about things
i drempt about ryan ... i was at an air port.. there was lots of people .. i was leaving from pa i had spent a week or so with my cousin and family at my grams house.. i was in the parking lot for the airport... i was very upset and relized that it was useless for me to be so stuborn and that i had to see ryan ( in my dreams i am a different person .. with a different life.... and it turns out the children i had in my dream life were ryans try and make sence of this) i went to talk to our mediator... she was holding 4 balloons .. they represented our children .. i was tryign tot tye them in a knot and make them neater i was even going to refil the helium .. they were 4 mylar balloons... two were brown .... i told the woman i needed to tell him iwas sorry and that i needed to see him to see if i was wrong and that i needed him back or what ... i was very sadd .. she told me to wait so i took the ballons and crossed part of the parking lot ... the cars started driving and i was stuck in the middle holding the balloons , i stood there and cried nad cried and cried....
it was a very upsettign dream
its been a very upsetting week ... i think i will start takign some st johns wart asap to alleiviate these moods ...
today in first period i was soo hyper .. i went to bed at 5 last night so i got plenty of sleep ... but i was bouncing around and not payign attention so i tended to screw up some durring our songs and warm ups... but he decided to have us try our solos.... im sick ... i sounded horendouse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my palms were sweatgin i got sooo nervouse.... i couldnt beleive myslef.. and i couldnt beleive this horrid sound was coming out of me ... mid way thru i got a scowl on my face and sat back finished my solo and just shy of spit on myself i was so disgusted.... so u can tell i was pissed... well i was kinda late leavign class.. i havnt been in much of a rush to leave classes latly.. no one to leave them for i guess.... i should get that looked at ... but i was leavign and i wa sliek mr scruggs!! im sick that wasnt fair!! he laughed and sayd its ok solos arnt gonna actually be up for a while and that he didnt relize i was sick ... so i walk out .. still hyper so i give the door frame a good kik and im out ... this one guy ... who hes been realy nice to me latly comeso ut right after me ..he stayd to get candy and he tells me i did ok today .. i thank him and he starts to talk about ow cold it is .... thinking about how nice this person is to me ... with out him knowing me at all ... with out him havign to know me forever to relize im an at least ok person ... it makes me smile inside sooo much ... i mean its all i can do not to blush and clam up ... but i liek it ... soo much
is this what its like to have some one totally random have a crush on you ???
not sayign that it is a crush ... but ?! i was never the girl people wanted to get to know ... im not thin im not that extreamly pretty ... im nothign that stands out to extreamly much ... my friedns with thier size 6 bodys and there perfect hair ... i guess... but maybe my parents are right .. maybe they only liked them cuz they seemed easy ...
fourth periods still my favorite period tho ... well minus the fact that it ends and i have to come home .. and the fact theres a teacher.... and retarded computers ok .... ne wai .. ryan made an anklet.... he asked me if its bad for guys to know how to brade..i love watchign boys braid they get so focused ... heheh theyre like little kids ... but i love it! lol .. i feel liek a proud mommy and her kids first drawing .... *giggle fits* ... i got invited to get high tonight .... yeeeeeea... no way to pull that one off.. i also got invited to go out for dinner and a movie with sarah ... mom told me to clean everythign ... and that ment bathrooms dustign vaccuming laundry and ... now my room .. but yea it was to late to go after all that mess... i was livid.. im getting these frustraded hopelessly pissed emotions back... this patch is worring me ... but i got pills .. itll be ok .. i even yelled .. liek yelled at morgan ... who btw is better!!!!!! yay ! i love him turn out his friend cameron is the same one i met before ... he told morgan i stare at him funny...... not my fault he looks very familiar and i have nothign better to do but look at people... lol ... but they should be coming to the dollar place to see me sometime!!! i hope they come tomarrow... i shoudl be able to go to davids party!!!! i mean kents bday party at davids house! lol .. ne waiiii .. im talkign to much but itso k i can think straigth for the first time in a while .. i watch switch blade.. it was interesting ...
i hope it doesnt get to bad weather wise.. there are certain peopel i would liek to see more... o and this is my public appology to kailee... i loooove you soo omuch and im soo sorry iw as being such a brat today ... monday i swear ill sit with you ... ( i love you more then him i promise heheh ) u didnt say anything btw did u ? j/w umm i loves you
ok immmm dooone go home!!
nyght
vic
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