can u help me im bent .. im so scared that ill never be put back together

ok .. so im folding laundry .. thats when i do my most thinking ... and it tends to be not good thinking ... cuz i dont liek folding laundry there fore i get frustrated and angry and yea im gettign to the point...

i was watching jawbreaker... and julie and this actor guy hook up and thier happy and he loved her .. and he has intrests and a passion and a life.....


wow i hope no one takes this wrogn ...

but i alwais manage to end up with some one i cant do much with ... we just hang out .. and do nothign ...
which starts me thinking about my issues... only to start listeing to bent by matchbox 20 ( one of my fave bands some one should by me a cd ) and im thinking ... damnit ive spent most of my high school life searching .. seaking out people to date ... being complaetly desperate for a one person to give me all thier attention ... and now since ryan .. i still want somethign but i want it to fall in my lap im in refusal to look for it ... .... but when certain things do fall in my lap .. and they want me alot and they need me to be there for them my psyche fucks up and says tori what ever youdo do not! i repeat do not! let them have what they want you have workd so hard for jack shyt now they must work .. and meek little tori says but ... i need to be nice to them .. and then we get a sitiation where peopel get hurt..

but i almost need to be like this... im worried about next year... and im worried about changing... and im worried abotu hurtign peopel .....

and still all the while i would love to be in a relationship ...

i blame all this cxonfusion on the pill ... mom thinks its to much for me .... i dunno, i normally dont get this depressed anymore

i knwo half this post shoudlnt be read by any one ...
but i still lvoe you



bye........

vic...