pecans love chairs and hippies

friday was me and adams three month! every one dance a little!
umm friday i had to wait so i got mad at my cleanign and slept some and slacked off.... o well i got to see adam and we went and hug out with chelsea... and i didnt relize she was leavign this morning....so i spent time with her last night and went to dorm and cried a little .. but ill be ok ... im just sad cuz its chelsea and i love the girl .. and i hate how when people promise u theyll come back to see you .. they never really do .....

it just works out that way every time for me ...

:'(

but happy ness cuz me and adam are happy ..

and thats always a good thing...

<3
vic

3 months later

so today is three months... woo!!
i get to see adam tonight ... good stuff..
and um ... yea
im so happy...


o btw...
if u leave comments please please leave names... thnx!

-vic

crack!!!!!!!

explanation for last post......
the only thing i could possibly say for that is they were snorting too much coke off the hobo toilettes.....


unless your mike then it was the hookers ass


thats all i can say about that



ack!!! they wont leave my posts alone

apparently mike had the male hooker while tony had the ugly chick that weighed more than 5 normal hookers put together.....

now whihc is worse... realy?


heheheh
i lvoe being in this room sometimes..
i met some guy he was nice .. i need to do alot of work tonight


" she had the tightest ass and tits ever " - mike

" this riot grrrr....ul"

mike fondels riot grrls boobs.. hes straight up brave as hell!!!!!!!


i swear to you im not drunk ....



i lVOe ..... being in this room ..... SHUT UP tony!!!!!





mmm starbursts!!!!


ok i think ill leave ive tramatized u enough!

<3
tori

i keep trying and trying

joel-peter witkin

46464646446464646

trance techno fisho

weekends are awsome
boy friends are best
fish are good and so is tea

ok so my weekend

friday i slack .. but i manage to go in for my meetign .. change my major .. get my advising done and yay thats besides the 3 classes i had to do and gettign up at 7 am to do homework but i didnt go swimming :( it was entirely to cold to risk being outside with kinda wet hair .. so i decided we'll start when i get back and every one is feeling well

i call adam liek 5 times... get a little worried and then he calls me back and hes coming ...
yay
they show up and i get in the car meet the mommy .. who is adorible as hell and super nice to me .. and then were on our way to pet smart ...
im a little worried that i ddint wait till after thanksgiving break but i got week end feeders so they shoudl be ok i got a beta who seems to change colors .. hes got red fins and a white bluegreen and red body ... his name is trance fisho ... ie mr fisho the 4th......
i bought 5 feeder fish
one with a mohawk - levi
a gold one - mitus
a white one with orange on his head - mouse / chicken (lol he looks like a hen , un gallina!)
one with a thicker mohawk - leopold 2
and one with a black middle - barthalamew

after pets i got adams suprise ready ... ie we went out with amanda and had kirk meet us ... adam says he knew what the suprise was but he was glad thats what it was any way .. so yay

kinda lol

so we hang out im happy cuz adam got to see his friend and i m hanging out with amanda and its justa good night ... so then we come back to dorm and im laying in my bed coughing so he goes and makes me some tea comign back periodiclya nd he said soemthgin that made me so incredibly happy that i almost melted into my bed and had happy tears lol
turns out our favorite angry boy is capable of love...

*smiles*

dude! he made me tea.......
yay ...

mmm

so anyway ... the rest of the weekend ... kissy face and all that jazz ... and yea... some cryign from me ... whihc is a mix of horomones and other... SUCKED!!
but he made me feel better which is ... very yay

um ...

i showed mike and richard and sarah my fishos... :)

i love them ...

levis my favorite...
and fisho fisho of course!

trance...

i liek it ..

well ok then i think im gonna go prep for mondaya nd get my psych done too

i love

<3

toribeth

i know what yoru thinkign and i dont need your reasons

how come your sns so hard to pronounce
cuz im bitter that my last name isnt schmulovitz

heheh

miss me ?
of course not your not there ...

so any way college is decent im goign home tuesday to go to pa wednesday morning
and of course ill be ragging over thanksgiving ... eat much >? i deffintily will
sucks

im gonna start swimmign on friday
im gonna have so much to do friday
i have to go to an 8 am class then to an advisor for a walk in hopefully ill get it in time for my next class so i can get the classes i want ...and need
btw if u didnt know im switiching my major to bio from acounting so yay ... every ones leik .. wow what a change .. but its time for change .. and yea
healthyer hopefully and yea
im just sick of being sick and feelign like crap 24 7

tomarrow nigth adams coming over his mommys gonna take us to pet smart to get fish .. yay .. ive been needing new fish for a while ... and some pebbles and a new plant ... i kinda killed that too

my room for once isnt terible and its a thursday .. normally this is its peak of trashed
i recomend at least a dorm life to every one ...
i love it here so much ...

im putting third floor on quarentine tho... every one is sick and ONE of them got me sick ... and i need to be well already .. sick for 2 mnths with 3 different things!!!!

ack!

i blame the fuck outta them lol but i love the fuck outta them ..

umm .. its cooold out today its been sooo nice out but i went out this mornign and froze my ass off ...

*sigh* make the heat come back .. and my hair too while ur at it .. its gettign long but not long enough

<3
victori

my weekend

kinda really sucked


but only kinda

friday night ... i whined on the foen and the online wiht adam as in why he isnt here right then while breaking out .. YUK i also went over to mikes cuz iw as very bored we went to schafer then came back and hung out surfed the net a bit then i got on the fone so he started to play video games with tony and i played withboo the vibrating hampster conciouse with strap on wings *big 6 yr old smile* and then i read the anime its from went back to my room talked to adam on line and finished the anime and took it back to get the second one...


saturday i slept in ..mom woke me upw itht he fone .. the alarm went off while i was on the fone and i got off the fone and started to go backt o sleep then adam called me ... i got off the fone with him and went back to bed waitign for maureen to call ... sept we had a fire alarm instead.... very very yuk ... i get outta bed throw some clothes on throw my bra in my bag ... no socks... grr so i go intot he stairs and i can smell burning ... it smelled awful.... so im liek o shit somethign is seriously happening ... so were outside im covering my self wait to find peopel i know ... i find mike and go to schafer with him and soem people i get there get cereal and sit with carlton whose by himself and we talk a bit .. apparently im a lesbian said the gay man ... *sigh* im not a lesbian ... so i go sit with kristen and phil when he leaves... they are carrying around laundry ..
so we sit as long as possible calling the 3rd floor ra and trading storys about what happend ,,... where there for abotu 2 - 3 hrs.... we go outside and check on the building after they get enough of me bitchign about how i NEED to go buy a tooth brusha nd toothpaste... btu at that point i decide we should go to the book store instead they have comfy chairs and i wanted to do some shopping ...
i get some stuff for the 2 guys in my life .. bf and dad... and feel accomplished.. i talk to parentals about what happend and details ... apparently this is what happend

somethign in the elevator shaft ie: rubber belt .. caught fire causing the hall sprinklers on 11 to go off and the elevators to flood...

so now we had to wait till abotu 6 to get back in the dorm and that was ok cuz thats when we got back .. and maureen showed up ... bad thing is ... no hot water and no elevators... we can go shower at rhodes... but i dont really want to do that so ill wait a little while it shoudl be fixed soon ...
um we all went out with maureen then we came back and watched the phantom of the opera.. i fell asleep again .. i told her i would .. but i had also taken cough medicin ...
so we walked back upstairs... YUK and then i was liek ok nigh nigh ... sleepy cough medicined up tori was not up much longer... only to wake up to my alarm then again maureen beign awake and ready to go ... go where???

hmm so we went for breakfast i wante dto take her to alpine bagel for iced coffee... mmm .. didnt know they were closed on sundays...
so we shafered it ..
o well .. came back talked to melodya dn tim.. i sang for tim and he said it gave him hope and i said for what and he said that there is still talent in this world .... and it made me sooo happy ...

o last nigthi for got we played pool too i saw ben and snack yay! i danced with ben it was interesting he wa sliek woudl u liek to dance and started doing this swing thing with me and it made me smiel but he also like picked me up before hand i love being in the air! lol bens my hero ...

umm i won the first game of pool lost majorly the second while iw as danceing maureen hit liek all of my balls in ..:(

so yea... today ... so i justw alked up 12 flights to do my psych homework ... and im coughing much .... i think ill do psyc study some then passsss out

tuesday im goignt o an si meetign then figureing otu how to do my major swtichign ...

mmmm pringles...

yay
ok so the weekend was only kinda bad but elevators... that SUCKS

<3

paper on womens shape and hollywood

My entire life I have been surrounded by women of the curvaceous decent. I am not related to any model thin women. Watching TV as a child I began to understand that curvy women are not really people who can make it onto the big screen or even onto the little one. When you are young and you notice people shunning the sort of person you are doomed to become you start to notice the treatment of curvaceous women in every aspect of life. Supposedly in Hollywood curvy women are appreciated and thought of as strong, but it doesn't make sense that the people saying this, especially the women who say this, still tend to be annorexicly thin and excersize-aholics.
While watching MTV and awards shows where the hosts critique the women and how they look you notice lately that full figured women tend to be put on a pedestal for being strong and independent but it tends to translate more into that they are brave to be seen looking like that . If these women are so wonderful and powerful then why are more and more actresses starting to look like Paris Hilton's shadow. Girls like Lindsey Lohan and Nichole Richie are losing weight faster than anyone should naturally. They all turn out looking like sickly skeletons and once more the standards in fashion magazines drop a size and more girls develop image disorders.
In the grocery stores there are tabloids depicting these shadows with headlines asking when is thin too thin. The public reads these papers and looks at these stars while frowning and commenting on the fact that you would think they would be rich enough to afford some food, but then again they are also rich enough to have the food sucked right back out. Then the public does not care anymore because the thought of being that rich helps get their attention back to envying the stars. Stars are existent almost to only be envied in every way, they are who they are so that the majority of the population thinks that they are who they are supposed to be like. If an image is being sold to women all over the country then shouldn't it be how every woman should look? Unfortunately most women see things this way and have no idea they are trying to make themselves look like the women with unattainable looks, and they entirely leave out the fact that these women are not necessarily as beautiful as we would like to believe they are.
Women like Liv Tyler and Queen Latifah are strong beautiful women. The one problem is that when people look at them they see a statement. Queen Latifah is very proud of her image and wants other full figured women to use her as a role model and be happy with themselves, but people still look at her and think large. The public smiles and says, “ What a pretty face , shame about her waistline.” but still manages to avoid using the word fat like one avoids naming other ethnicities, to be polite.

“ The don't talk about it and don't acknowledge it.
No one will use the word fat in front of you. They use
circumlocution , like zoftig or heavy, or say that you have
a pretty face.” (15, Millman)

In magazines such as Teen, Seventeen, and YM are aimed at girls ages 14 to 19 and are full of girls modeling the latest fashions. These magazines started bragging that they were using “real girls” in their photo shoots to model their clothes. Girls wrote in asking where the “real girls” were because they were not any where to be found. The average weight for an adult woman in the United States is 162.9 lbs (About.com), and most of these girls in the magazines can barely pass for 110. The main problem with this is that fashion magazines aimed at teens are very influential in how young women view themselves. Girls use these magazines as standards, and most of these standards are entirely unreasonable. Looking through the November 2005 issue of Teen People I managed to find only one section even featuring a curvaceous model, this article featured three different fashions and only 3 out of the 12 girls were classified as “ curvy”. Magazines and advertisements are not new when it comes to this kind of effect, in the 1950's an advertisements to keep women feminine stated “If I have only one life, let me live it a blond,” caused quite an effect on women of the time.

“And across America, three out of every ten women
dyed their hair blond. They ate a chalk called Metrecal,
instead of food, to shrink to the size of the thin young models.
Department-store buyers reported that American women, since
1939, had become three and four sizes smaller. “Women
are out to fit the clothes instead of vice-versa,” one buyer said.”
(17, Friedan)

Some people blame Barbie. Barbie is 12 inches and to even imagine being proportional to her would require you to be at least 7 feet tall. But I grew up with multiple Barbies, just about every girl in my age group did, and I'm pretty sure it was not the only factor in the image issues girls have today but it might have aided it.
Why is Hollywood so backwards when it comes to reality, shouldn't it just be reality magnified instead of just backwards and distorted? How can these girls survive being as thin as they are, is someone behind them holding their marionette strings, making them dance?
Being a teenager during the time when eating disorders are being publicized I have faced a few complexes. I have come across people who were anorexic and proud, whole groups of people who post pictures of them selves in skeletal form. The website contains tips and motivation for girls who are “pro-ana”, anorexic and not looking to stop. I could never understand these girls, who wants to look like a skeleton, what is sexy about a pile of bones with no breasts or hips? Who really wants to look like that? After asking myself these questions I turn to images of models who look like something stolen from a grave. These are our role models. This is what impressionable youth and naive public think that we are supposed to obtain to maintain happiness and success.
Like anorexia is caused by wanting to be these skeletal women over eating is aided in the desire to be desired. Some girls look through these magazines and photos only to feel like it is and impossible goal to be even near thin and begin to eat. Over eating is not healthy at all and only causes unhappiness. Having society push these sort of stereotypes on the women of America is only making the gap wider for what is thin and what is obscene.
There are women out there who should be appreciated for the size they are and the attitude they maintain. There are curvy women who are strong and beautiful role models for our youth, but for the most part the entertainment industry is placing an unneeded pressure on the women of America to be unnecessarily thin. Women were created to bear children and be strong , beautiful, and sexy, why can't Hollywood remember this and recreate it?

happy hallloween

so life is currently very happy
i went out sat night all dressed up and prolly will do the same tonight . im helping carissa and amanda get ready for their art halloween party ... um ja!

so i must be off

today is thanksgiving

thats it i give up ...
today is honerary thanksgiving

http://calmblueocean46.blogspot.com/

i woke up and felt liek thnksgiving and i wander downstairs in my little sweater and the football game is on ...wtfuck ...
i only ever see foot ball on thanksgiving ...
and then phil tells me about how hes gonna go eat turkey and stufing and cranberry sauce .. etc... and i swear to god i missed a mnth ...

and then that blog .. omy ...


melody said it felt like christmas and i told her to leave my time frame alone!!!
lol

poor me

vic

you cant fake this hard enough to please everyone or any one at all

so i learned how to get the spammers away!!! wooooooo
but that does mean if you wanna comment you must type the word .. so get on that witht he word typign and the commenting and ish ...
i burned my finger on my pants..
damn im hot LOL
and a loser
my cool ratign goes down liek 50 pnts when im tired
so how abotu that sleep thing
much love

vic

ten things i hate about you

i love how strong you are even if it qualifies you to be an ass hole any time you want
i love how u think im cute when im doign nothing special at all
i love how u let me be a chick and not walk all over me for it but dont let me be an idiot....
i love how u do insanly sweet things liek answering the one question every girl asks but no guy ever answers
i love your stomach .. and your biting
i love how ur real
and how you come see me
and pay for my freinds when we go out even if it was just once..
i love how cute and sweet u can be even tho u refuse to admit you are

i love how u make me smile for no damn reason just that you exist....

i was just a stupid kid back then i take back every word that i said.

yay for alkaline trio
yay for amanda im in amandas room right now listeing to her play guitar wishing iw as a singer i love that girl to peices.. new best freind..

rememeber when i said i love
forget it i take it back
i was just a stupid kid back then i take back every word i said


tomarrows monday i dunno if im goign out with megan i prolly need to go to sleep early but college is fun
boy friends are fun
new friends are fun
floor 3 is fun too
lol
ummm '
i walked to 7 11 with amanda and i got this apple ginger spice soda... OMG... yum ...
hobos are scary ... so is richmond in general at night
some one got shot last night then richard told us horror storys and iw a sleik um im deffinitly goign in .... right now ..



hmm



vic

killbabiesgotohell

twice this week i have had todealw ith the insane over churched protestors. first was a girl with a huge yellow sign telling us we were all DEFFINTILY goign to hell . today the pro life people are out side and it makes me want to mame them . they have a huge sign tellign us if we kill babies were goign to hell accompanied by two more people holding signs a little shorter than me with blown up pictures of dead babies.
i want to tear down the pictures and hurt the people .... it makes me upset that they take the worst possible out comes they can find and tell people its the norm .. i hate that they are so damn closed minded and i wish that they woudl hand out fliers offering aid or help to people having to make this difficult decision liek planned parent hood does they dont scream at you and shove down ur throat information telling you you MUST have an abortion ... every one go get pregnant right now and make an appointment ... no you NEVER hear shit liek that but they are so out raged at the innocents being brutally slaughtered that they must tell us were all dieing of some horrible disease called humanity and there is no cure the only cure is to come help them make peopel wanna burn their eyes out and pass out flyers...

do not be uninformed but do not shove your belifes on any one either ... people need to make decisions not be guilted into things
life is yours

vic

yay for finished psyc homework

i dont remeber if i put on here how the carpathian guy was full of shit or not but ill elaborate later... so yea.. life is good i finished my homework .. i just need to read some this weekend but ill do that at home ..kewl ... ummmmmm

my computers being a TOTAL fucktard... not justa retard... its that bad.. it blue screaned me last night onli for every thing to work afte rliek 5 reboots except for internet explorer... aim works...wtf..... but i do belive i must go pack .. home time ... so yea.... i lvoe you guys .. im just in a good mood...

*hugs*

vic

once upon a time i was losing my self ....

wow...
tonigth has been....
interesting...
i was outside with chelsea and gode?(sp) and i met this guy mason and gin was there and a few people and out of no where there were gun shots... yea..wow ... so im following the crowd RUNNING inside... and im doing it slowly cuz... its nto realy where we are so i dunno ... and gin starts screamign at me and chelsea ... cuz were weak defensless girls to get the fuck inside... ..... yea... and then he hurt him self so i stayed outside with gode and kenny? maybe thats his name i dunno .. i dont liek him at all .... so it doesnt matter LOL sorri i am bitch ... but any way me and him get to know each other better and hes reali chill and ish so yea fun ... then i finally come back inside visit miranda .. pounce kam... but miranda blew my fun part... and told him i was coming ... and yea...

gun shots...
city...
wow.

so yea deff sleep time i spent to much time out with him talking so yea..

goodnight starshine ill love you tomarrow


vic

mr fisho the third!

i forgot i got a new fisho sundai! ... im in love with him ... my new baby .. i miss heidi and all but this guy fits on my deska nd he plays in his plant and i love it!!! yay... im so happi ...


sleep times


vic

ketchup

so i have been inspired to take this blog back up .. considering i need more thigns to do online and i miss people takign em seriousely... or at least reading and laughing and smilign and liek .... god i love tori and her crazy ways...

so college is exciting ... kind of .. see i miss people ... i miss knwoing people and being able to claim them and hug them and love them and make jokes and feel liek one of the group again and every time i think abotu this i think of hayley and kailee... and well since ive been here ive noticed a few other super close friends.. like maureen ... so to make my story a point filled one... i started to get super depressed this morning and missed high school and missed all my friends and decided to cheer myself up id go to kams room so i woudlnt be alone ... ended up watching him im a few peopel till i layed down on his bed and hence came the tears... at least i was quiet and not hysterical .... which is good.. but then he was singing and i smiled and i felt a little better to just release some physical emotion....
then later i got ahold of miranda and went and got food... miranda is my favorite person here .. she is soo adorible and shes leik me .. onli ... she dresses different lol ... shes so cute tho! lol we have the same exact build and we both have family in scranton ... isnt that wikid?! ,.... lol but yea so i went over and we called kam and watched bloody mary which was kinda an urban legend movie so i loved it to peices.. and mid way im gettign happyer cuz im relizeing .. i may not have a lot of freinds but miranda and natalie are super cute and sweet and ... nice.... and thats all i need ...

... i am still very sick of every guy looking right thru me tho ... but i guess thats just soemthing i alwais have and alwais will need to get used to ... i dont look particularly easy or attention grabbign ... so .. yea... im nto reali that boring ... i just dont wanna cut off people so im nutral .. lol ... i love every thing and every body so why shoudl i favor one over the other?

im babbeling ...

i miss you guys ...
and i love my new freinds...

its a good ... day

<3

(maybe i shoudl have mentiond i start ragging soon .. explains it alllllll)


-vic

hippie dippy shake

drunk hippie
so i met this wikid hippie .. lol she was so wasted but she kept telling me how beautiful i was LOL she was cute... i met this guy chase hes in buisness with me which is awsome! the onli other buisness student ive met so far! lol

life is decent im just bummed i hate losing stuff


lol but i got to turn down a new drug .. he said it was poppers? i had never heard of it but i was liek nah man its chill im straight so yea im proud of me!

husbands gf

so todai i did all my last minute shopping and what not and were in the mall getting me new jeans cuz i go thru jeans liek candy .. and we walk past pac sun and im lookign in and im like omg what a cute girl with short hair i wish i could .... wooooah!!! thats husbands gf!!!!!!!! so of course i went in smiled all big at her shes very cute in person ... her pictures do her little justice but yea.. so i had to post that .... lol

buuut i got a bunch of shit todai spent over a hundred bucks and mom bought half the shit too lol .. igot plenty of jeans .. three pairs of shoes a new skirt some super cute tops... im excited and i cant wait til tomarrow.. im on michaels comp right now ..

*squeeee*

im liek exploding.. im so happi.. im started fresh ... im excited im reali excited to meet kam tho .. he seems so cool ... one cool kittie.. ummm.. my room looks so bare i took so much off my walls and i almost started to cry cuz it was the first time i felt like i was moving... the cars all packt so now all we have to do is get there early and un pack but i seem to have an appointment at 12 so i hope ill be awake ... there is noo room in my car AND michaels not coming .. i had to leave a bunch of shit too ... *sigh* next weekend ill get it back ... *distracted* wow bad anime SUCKS.... lol wow im excitttteeeeeddddddddddddd





i shoudl go and get dressed or something .. ...shove some more stuff in the car... *sigh* moving is a bitch



*LOVE*

vic

shooting stars

last night i saw two shooting stars with ryan .... weve made every thing better.....
im so glad were not so angry any more

i need to get hayley to listen to my thing from jamie i swear t god... him and chris ... ja know??? lol


ugh ... no one reads this mess... *sigh*

i miss when it used to be hoppin and shit LOL


vic

lastima

sooo im leavign in 2 weeks.....
wow.
....
wow...
so i decided im gonna miss the fuck outta my dad...
i love our random spansih convos....
we had one infront of matt ibers (sp) ...... *laughs ass off*


mmmmmmm



im excited

o.,.,christ.,.,.,.,fuckme

guess who has to go to work todai .,.,.,.,,.



ughhhhh



crap

stroke

so mom hit a peak .,.,
she started bitchign first thing this mornign .,.,w hich isnt all that un heard of.,,. as a matter of fact im sick of it..,s ick of all her bitching.,.,., so shes screamign and yelling and carrying on and im in the bathroom minding my own buisness gettign ready to take out the trash she started to bitch about.,.,., while i hear dad ask what happend and shes freakign out gouing im gettign a shotting pain in my head.,., these damn kids are giving me a stroke.,.,. i get up and leave the bathroom onli fo rher to be in the door way and she starts screamign abotu how the house isnt clean and i need to vacuum her bathroom .,., and she sorta shoves me but the whole time she is holding her damn head cuz u knwo what she cant be calm.,. ever.,., irespond a hell of a lot better to "tori go clean my bathroom " that "TORI for fUCKs SAKE u DOnt DO SHIT AROUND HER U COULD AT LEAST CLEAN MY FUCKIGN GODDMANED BATHROOOM" yea id say i respond alot better.,.,., so moms having her "stroke" downstairs and dads doing that massage thing .,.a nd i take out the trash while michael cries on the stairs cuz "his mommy" is broken .,.,., yea.,., she was alwais his mommy he was sucha mommys boy i on the other hand alwais wanted to be by myself and if i was with any one it was dad.,.,

i guess things are different in familys that u wernt planned or reali wanted in .,.,, cuz u knwo what .,. im almost sure the reason shes so fuckt up is cuz neither me nor michael were planned and she was 21 when i was born .,,. i know she regrets it.,., btu u know what she can shove it up my ass cuz she had me and im her fuckign kid not her fuckign slave that hasnt met her god damn standards.,.,.,


vic

dreaming again

ugh .,.,
i drempt about school again .,.. in the dream i decided goign back to the high school is pointless.,., and i had class with matt rumphelt.,. and we ended up gettign together.,,.., and we were leaned down on the desks like all class just kissing and being all lovey but the wierd part is in the begining i didnt wanna hook up with matt.,., which didnt make sence.,., cuz its matt.,., whose children i ve wanted to have since i met him .., *sigh* dreams are wierd.,., i wish i would dream abotu my jamie.,.,..,

*SIGH DAMNIT*

im so emo latly.,., but itsok .,., im just realy frustrated why dont i have my liscence.,.,., why dont i have a car.,.,,.


*sad*


vic

dreamer

so the other nigth i drempt about liek a prom thing and every oen was there i remeber tamika and preciouse comeing in and precouse talked ot me and i was admiring her hair .,., there were those little white shells all in it .,.., and it wa sina biig pony tail it was cute.,.,the next day (ysterdai) she came intot hte store.,., wierd.,., last nigth i drempt abotu school iw as walkign around and i liek tripped on chet who was smoking a cigg in the hall way and mr scruggs just walked on by and iw as leik well yea makes sence hes the cool teacher.,., so then i sorta stand there and watch him for a minute im kinda ocnfused at this piont.,., i go to the bathrooms after lookign in a door waya nd seeing a party in a new club room and i walk int the girls bathroom door only for there to be no wall between it and the party and no doors ont he stalls .,., it was wierd .,.,., and no i didnt see chet todai .,., that woudl have freaked me OUT

iheartyou

Taurus
(April 20-May 20)
That romantic roll you're on isn't going anywhere just yet, which is just the way you like it. The good news is that the person you're sighing over is on the same page -- and there isn't any bad news.

rhinestone clock

wow so ive been busy.,., wow

ok so todai was a day liek any other sundai .,., boring as fuck then i go out with sarah .,., we go to see war of the worlds but first we go out to eat at amigos and our waitor was nice.,.,.,. and sarahs getting kinda antsy .,., moving on .,,. we go to the mall but it is very closed *DAMNIT!* sooo then were at the intersectiona nd i wa sliek theres a book store over there i wonder if thier open and THEN i see whole foods! *inspiration* SARAH weMUST go to whole foods .,., sarah sais " damn hippi" lol .,., so we go in and im like spastic searchign the store.,,. walkign along the walls and im giggling to my self cuz damni look silly .,., i tell sarah im lookign for adam,.,., cuz he works there.,., but alas.,,.., lack of adam.,., so we check out i bought me and sarah tea and water,.,.,.,.,mmmmm tazo peach tea is god! .,.,so the check out guy is uber georgouse and uber sweet and im liek do u know an adam who works here? and he thinks and thinks and hes liek yea i do i ask if hes working.,., " no i dont think so , but i can tell him .,.,., (tori) stopped by" so i smiel and thank him and walk out with a smiel on my face yay for husband now he will eb happi cuz i came to meet him .,., even tho .,,. i didnt get to .,.*sigh* but now sarahs cool with it so ill find out when he works again and ill stop by .,., yay but she kept going on abotu our lovely casheir who was gorgouse.,.,., but might be very gay lol .,., oo! i skipped the big lots part.,.,w e went to big lots and i bought my self some cute earigns and must have underwear! lol .,., shoudl i be ashamed i get cute underwear at biglots?! lol .,.,,. *sigh* they were fuckign cute and cheap so back off lol .,.,., oo but i like my earings.,., long and dangly .,., good stuff!!!

!!!!!AND sarah brought her jagged little pill cd and i got to scream alanis liek the whole time we were in the car!! she is my god.,., nothign higher than her in my book *swoons*

so the movie was amazing.,,.t he hot guy .,.,., was hot ,..,., and i dont mean tom lol .,,.,. and that girl is an awsoem little actress i love her! lol
ok im out .,., miss me much lol .,.., ill be aorund again

:::::::love::::::::

vic

feeling good

so im feelign pretty good im close to smacking mom and thelling her to grow up btu we all knwo that will never happen .,t he onli thing rigth now is ive been doign the junk food thing since last nigth and i feel grosssss.s,., ,.lol
well i think im gonna be productive and write in her later.,., ow ait but first i must declare this! while cleanig my room i found a million old letters between me and ryan and i read them and smiled and was liek god i loved him .,., we were in LOVE .,.,., were.,., im so fine with it .,., i folded them back upa nd put them awai and smiled .,., cuz i WAS happy and i AM happy .,., .,,. ps i might just love some one else.,.,


*heart*

vic

it needs to be august

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

grow the fuck up alreadi
Current mood: depressed


so yea.,., i dunno if im just pmsing or what but i realy miss certain peopel .,., i dunno how well im gonan take this transition .,,. lol ive actually been cryign cuz i know there are certain peopel liek hayley and kailee that i dont want to live with out .,., that are such amazing awsome people .,., that i wish i knew them from the get go and had the respect i have for them now so that maybe i could be with them way up thier above other epoeple .,., i threw so much away by just runnign in with the thrash .,., well hopefully i can find new friends liek them .,., so ill survive lol .,., i dunno .,.,



*depressed as a mother fucker*



*much love *

ode to hayley (i think she alreadi has one tho hmm) shes that good

ode to hayley and the peopel i miss.,., liek kailee .,., lol
omg im so gonna cry .,., i miss my friends soo much rigth now .,., just thinkign theyre gonna be so far away .,.,

i think im gonna start goign to hayleys on fridia nigth sfor movies.,.,., that woudl make me happi .,.,



*meloncholy tears8

love

she tells stories in her head

she tells stories in her head .,., in her mind she is perfect shes slender with beautiful curves her hair is perfect her eyes shinny and wide her smile infectiouse .,., every thign is the best,,,. every guy wants to be at her side wispering nothings in her ear .,., dont be delusioned she gets depressed she does live in MY head you know .,., she isnt with out emotion ,.,. which aids to her perfection she is obliviouse to the fact that no one realy enjois her presence.,. shes liked to block that part out .,., who wouldnt love me ? she thinks .,. EVERY minute .,., she isnt vain she isnt self centered just innocent .,., who hates? .,. remeber being six .,. and that one little girl sneered at you for no reason .,., remember that shock .,., people are broken .,., ever since shes tried to fix them .,., who hates? .,,. the girl in my head idles all day day dreaming of her many lovers who sit with her under the moonlight stroking her hair and shoulders lightly kisssing her all over loving every moment of her .,., or even the boi who shows up nightly at her window blowing kisses and waitign paitently and she creeps down the stairs to be held in his caring arms .,,. or the one who takes her out and when she comes running down the stairs to greet him she runs into her arms and he picks her up and spins her about .,.,,., and kisses her perfect nose.,.,., she dreams all day and when i lay her down and i sleep at night she wakes into my dreams for her rondevous and experiences life.,.,., im jelouse of the stars in her eyes and the suitors who becon daily .,., im jelouse that she is parentless with no boundarys and there is no one who isnt with in reachign distance nto to mention with in walking distance.,., peopel love her and give her thier world and suprise her and appreciate her.,.,.,.,.,.,.,,. she is beautiful and kind

she lives in my mind

she tells stories in her head..,.,.,.,..,.,./..,.,

myspacerant

so i havnt even been home an hour and im checking peopels blogs since i was gone ..,., and adam and kathryn have hooked up .,.., and hes amazingly in love .,.,., this is the SECOND fuckign time ive had a fling with a guy and him lose interest the second she walks in the room and if its ne thign liek chet was they will be together for a while yes i am pissed because im jelouse..,., NO i do not want adam i could care less abotu adam but you knwo what i do want i want some ot be obsesed with em i want some one to sneak out of thier houses at 1 am to " see my beautiful shinning fucking face before they go to bed at night" ..,.,..,..,,..,..,., im rather very not happy and im about to shut my self off i do this every now and again whern this depression happens.,.,.,. no guys no trying just 2 or threee girls i keep around the same ones every time .,,., but you know what im sposed to be strong im such an fuckign emotional train wreck .,.,,. i need valium or prozac or whatfuckignever mom said i needed that shit they give the little sad bean you know ? ./.,.,.,.,.,..., fuckign a .,.., i swear i must be bi poloar or somethign .,., either way im not fuckgin hapy right now .,.,.,,..,., fuck guys .,., fuck relationships.,.,., FUCK my LUCK! ,..,.,.,

pennsylvania and the like

so tomorrow im goign to pa with sarah michael and mom ..,., whihc should kick massive ass, were gonna go stay with ym gram for liek 9 dais..,., im gonna miss my person madly .,., but i dont see him as it is ..so its ok ill call him ...
i lost my head fones and i freaked otu and was reali loud looking for them so now sarah is awake playign with my magnetic poetry on my wall ..., i lvoe my wall ... i also love my person ... i like haveing this world i can run to when i feel liek crap and think to myself god .. life is decent ... so im gonna keep it awai from you so no i will not be sayign who he is right now ..,., but it isnt like you guys read this shit ne mro e..., .
i miss some peoepl who used to read this liek my kailee and my hayley ... i should look up thier journals again some time .... sept i switched computers so that might actually take soem workkkk .... im reali excited about august right now.... we went to orrientation yesterdai and im reali gettign the hang of it ... dude! i have a 7 am class on mondays!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YUK!! i hope ill make it .. i shoudl be fine ..,., i adapt well ..,.,..,
im a college kid! yes!!!!!!!!!!! lol
mom startign to feel it.... she told sarahs mom about how im the first and shes kinda gonna reali miss me ..,., *score one for the first born! woot! *

ok im rambeling ill try to write in here mro ei guess .,.,.,.,
s









*FUCKINGlove*

vic

haveing jamies babies

so then yea...
lol havnt been writign in a while .. lifes settled down ... ryan made danny and chris back off... and hopefully every thign that ever had anything to do with him is over.......one of my favorite peopel right now drempt of me .. made me happi ...
i wish i could make him better


i wish i didnt obses....

ilove*heart*


vic

opps .. i keep losing track

so todai over all was decent... i went to work ... felt good.. felt pretty in my new shirt and hair i looked liek a baby doll... i was a little late but it was valerie so i was ok ... sarah went and picked up my lunch .... over all just nice calm and yea.. work like ... i come home and kailees party ended early so i didnt have to worry abotu missing ne thign .. then danny gets online pisses the fuck outta me... ryan has some balls .. hes denying everythign we ever had... scratch that he is chiken shit.... and you know what i never relized what a liar he was so i hope for her sake hes better in bed then he was .. and yea.. so i got ultra pissed and mom figured out it was ryan and danny so i told her i needed to go out so we went to the drive in so many peopel were there.. i showed up and went and talked to corey , joel , and simon on the other side of the fence and that was fun then i went to find bryan and show off my hair a bit and i saw shanna , flint, and nathan ... and chilled with them for the first movie then saw my morgan and danielle and cameron ... got morgan in trouble pissed myself off ... and spent the whole second movie bonding with cameron ... whihc was fuckign awsome! lol ...so yea i love meetign new people ... specially peopel whove had straigth fuckt relationship situations liek i have ... so yea toris in a good mood and even dannys little spirts about how im a fat dumb slut bitch wont take that awai

muah


vic

graduation

well its official i am doen with high school, graduation went very well .. my soslo was awsome! .. and we gave mr barlow marbles.. lol ... i am so happi its over... i went to sarahs after i went out to eat wiht my family and toured the downtown mall ..i got to meet all of sarahs family and i had a total blast .. she gave me an AWSOME pair of shoes! woot... but yea

im graduated!!!!!!!!!!!!

holi fuck....

wow

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.....maybe i dont want to be strong....

breakign benjamin - sooner or later

i cant listen to this song and not hear him ........well try to sing it .. on my play list...

ive finally figured out its nto worth it ...

but i listen to this song and i dont want to be strong..
i want to fuck his brains out ..
but i also want himt o want me ...
and unfortunitally i can not have both ...
so i must have none...

fuck memories...

civ

....yep......

wanna know what irks the fuck outta me ?

guys who say yep.... like ur just chillin out .. not talking and they just go ....yep.... and what are you sposed to do ?! like if im boring you ... get the fuck over it when was i assigned your entertainment... and if for some odd reason its cuz ur happi im there with you then reach out and give me a squeeze and lemme know ur happi ... and not bored off ur ass... o and if its the verrrrry rare occasion (but it has happend) that i just make you to nervouse to make conversation...... dont say anything at all if all your gonna say is yep.. its rude and it makes em not wanna be near you ...cuz you never know ...sometimes i might like you back just the same and i enjoi just sitting with you saying nothign ..............



*my rant for the dai*

vic

all ive figured out how to be is sex appeal and shock factor, your professional entertainment

ok so todai was ...deffinitly a day

first things first i debate what im doing.... i know im just being weak and pathetic and going with the things im used to ...
i gave him the letter nay way
im still debating what i wanna do with that ... i almost just said screw it ..fuck it all .. i dont need this .. no letter... but im the girl who wants to change every one ... so he got the letter and i dont know wat to do prolly let him fuck with my head a little more and hope somethign good comes along in the mean time...

theres more to that too

i got my lighter cover from steph tho .. its awsome as fuck!

woot!

so then i go to class .. and sleep .. then second ... im allreadi and rareing to go ... open note exam woo hoo! ... i sooo forgot my note book and started to cry cuz fuck .. thats an exam .. but he said the paper i turned in todai is 50 percent of the grade so yea.. i shoudl be ok .. not great but ok .. and yea thats good enough ...

i managed to finish alot of the exam even though i ddint know most of it ..

third period was decent ... then i get to lunch ..... have a tiff with travis ... iw asnt even that mad to begin with but the fact he wasnt even sorry just made me feel so much worse cuz latly every ones going out of there way to fuck with me ..and not a single appology ... fuck them
shane signed my year book ..... made my day a little brighter......awsome

then i have an awsoem convo with amanda burgos... shes a fuckign sweetheart!

i slept fourth period...... almost compleatly.. and then george took me home .. i was walkign up the way to the parking lot and adam sort of dropped back and walked with me a couple steps... i wanted to hug him and smile and ish liek every thing was fine................... im pathetic... then he ran up with drew and that was the end of that .. in the over flow justin was leaning on a car .. fuck hes georgouse... hes another person who could fuck me over hard and i woudl forgive him ....i gave him hugs and my cell number maybe one day he'll call ... i dunno .. not to worried about it ... its just nice to hug someone who at least pretends to care... so then in the car with george...
we drive to scottsville to get gas and i call mom to tell her what is up ... and ill be kinda late...
the car breaks down half way from scottsville to my house..... mother fucker... rigth at 420 .....lol ...but it starts up again a few mins later ... kewl .. we make it to the lake and it starts getting shakey again .... we cut off the engine to get in and it does not start up ..... well drew and adam are at subway so i walk george up to subway and chill for a few ... admireing adam ... but still debatign what on earth to do .. and him and drew go inside with ricky and i chill with george till john comes out ... ......then i decide its home time .. i start walkign home and jeremy and his mom pick me up and drive me the rest of the way wich is good cuz it is very hot out ...


so then i get home adn dad has jumper cables.... so i try to call george ..but i dont have his number so i call jeremy and ask for it but get drews cell instead... tell him tot tell george and he said he woudl and that george woudl call me ...... didnt happen .. btu o well ... so yea.. i just got back upstairs.. mom brought us mcdonalds so now i feel all full and grody ... but it was semi yummy...? eh im not in a junk food mood...


wellill stop now .. that was the majority of my dia


muuah babels





vic

i want it all, is that to much to ask

my eyes are watering
but maybe its just the smoke
i dont like her
but its cuz i dont trust her
maybe for once i am not talking about you
but you never know
youll want him forever
but you protect the ones that want you most
for once this isnt about you
i dont want him hurt
but maybe its only because i want him to worship me
im nto stupid i know
i know im the first choice
but you arnt stupid either
you know i wont have you
but why shoudl i want you to want any one else
i dont know her
but i see her as fake
but maybe i only see me as real
this isnt about you
but it isnt about him either
maybe im broken
little girls are nto born to obsess
to absess
to recess
this isnt about her
it shouldnt be about me
its about waiting
and the games we play in between
about booty calls gone morbidly wrong
about romeo and juiliettes formed on a fling
about little girls with fragile hearts
who want nothign more than every thign

so i want you dead, is that so bad?

ok so ive been reali good and trying not to obses... but in the car i woke up to a song i have a clip of him singing on my computer....

yea...

then they realy liekd the song cold by cross fade.. and played it over and over again ..... why the fuck am i so emo

but the trip was awsome as fuck! i hung out with teddy alot hes awsoem the best cousin ever! i so have to come out to california .........


uh i have a lot to say but yea.. idotn think ill say it cuz yesterday doesnt matter...

and neither do you

wishful thinking onli works on tv

ok so i was feeling tons better and than i had my bdai party

it kicked ass!

janice john sarah and laura and jen were the main peopel there .... hayleya nd chris and jeffer and pete showed up later but left quick cuz we have presentations in the morning ... but yea.. janice got me a dead kennidys cd and laura got me a gift certificate for plan nine ! woot whata recod store should be! im sooooo going out to get my bikini kill cd asap! .... i neeeeed that cd lol ... well everythign was awsome john was liek the onli guy there for the most part and we all started to talk about our boobs and tampons and ish .. he liekd the boob part cuz yea he was surrounded by like 5 girls grabbing thier boobs... o yea! lol ... laura and john smoked so we spent alot of time on my back porch .. and it smeels leik smoke .. but i like the smell ... but yea.. i was doing soooo great totally happi till john adjusted his hat... backwards.. and i was immidiatly back in the hall with " him " yesterdai and he put his hat on me backwards leaned down and gave me a kiss,,, his kisses made me melt .. every time ive ever kissed that boi i wanted to never stop .. so i snapped back to reality and got uber depressed but no tears thnk god! ... and i should be fine i mean im goign to pa tomarrow and wont be back till wednesdai .. and yea ill onli have to see him liek 3 more dais.. and hopefully that ll make it easier...

me and laura are gonna be together liek all summer !! lol i love her soo much ...

fluco fest was awsoem i got to hang out with denny abit and im sure he thinks im stalking him .. he just makes me feel so good inside hes ... so... i dunno refreshing? ... and yea when i was around him i felt liek i was better then the situation again .. like maybe people were rigth and i deserved better and yea... i felt happi for even a split second... dont read so far into that .. i mean hes good people to have as a friend.....

travis was sposed to show at my party.... didnt happen ...

jam band kicked ass todai !! weee! i love my george!! and parker makes my day him and his churchyness lol .... i rememeber him preaching to me when i was a freshmen and i was in love with josh neeley... lol and drew was utterly amazing .... i almost started wigging out tho ...cuz watchign him i wa sliek wow .. then i was liek hmmm he smokes alot of pot .. then i was liek yea with adamm.... and then i started to blame him and i got mad at myself for blaming him and yea... drews awsoem and he seems super nice.. i m not hating him at all .. this has nothign to do with him ...

im so proud of them tho ....


i have presentations in the early morning so i must go finish that and then sleeeeeeeep ... hopefully ill dream of someoneelse and ill be happy ...

i dont need his bs... btu it wont ever stop me from wantign it ...


but i dont think ill ever touch that again ....


thnk you for being there ..


tori

over it

ok well the last few days were hell i was workign way to hard for somethin iknew i wasnt gonna end up with ... and well guess what last night a lot happend and i dont even know what she siad to him but you know what .. its over .. he wants shit to do with me and i know i was being lied to alot so yea.. its done im over it now im not gonna lie i bawled my eyes out all dai todai but you know what .. i feel so much better ... all of my stress and pent up worthlessness feelings have disapeared... freinds are awsome people and screaming even if onli at fluco fest makes every thing feel better.. fuck i even got my voice backkk . ... he wasnt healthy for me and he was hurting me psychologically which was fucing with my body ... i havnt eaten ne thign today except for ice cream lol ... and i feel fine this mornign i thought i was gonna puke every where i was shake ing and super upset but i feel fine now .. and if he does want ne thign to do with me he can shove it ...

my birthday party is startign at 6... its gonna be fun ... and im glad he wont be here

im glad its over ... im just pissed i had to be lied to for so long ...


i dont liek liars i dont liek pot heads and ass holes just suck as a rule


*starz*

tori

how...

how could some who makes me sooooo depressed make me so utterly amazingly uncontrolibly happy.... and turn around and amke me sad again//////..........


i dont like how wehn i see him im estatic but when i talk to him online i wanna die .....................blah

ijust wanna reach out and grab him.......


did i mention how amazibngly georgousely hot he is too??:



blah... tomarrows my 18th bdai!!! hopefully ill be getting a ride home ;////////





-vic

create

i realy just need to make something right now....


must...make...art.........

cheshire cat... it sucks but yea ... im that bored

im only happy when it seems compleatly innapropriate
maybe its because there is nothign i can lose
there is no chance for me to be unhappy
or maybe im not sane

i smile when strangers joke
i sit alone in my own little world and watch you
and smile when your happy
who wouldnt be glad about some one elses joy

im only happy when i should be crying
and when i should think about dyeing
self defence
nothign more

when every thing closes around me
and somethign small props open the door
why woudlnt i grin for days?
why shoudlnt i be happy

theres nothign else to do

im only happy when it is innapropriate
im only happy when i have no reason
dont let the smiles fool you
my life isnt worth your time

but im happy ....
cuz no one else can be happy for me

i love the way the sky glows before a mid afternoon thunderstorm

i just got off the foen with jamie... he makes my dia.. lol im realy loud when i talk on the fone too so i hope they didnt wake up .... cuz then id be in some trouble...

my bday is sooo soon..... i have work tomarrow.....


i feel alittle better todai ... i just wish he wasnt so unhappy...



i love you but im off



civ

uh huh

ok i9 lied .... there will be an actual ex there with me...... one of the ultamate exes... one i dont think i will ever have a normal convo with again ....



renee...........



fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck .. why the hell is she goign to vcu !? ... sarah was like yea.. alot of peopel dont liek you .. like ansel and renee and joe .. i wa sliek what did renee say ...
she said she and sarah shoudl room together and sarah was like ooo im sorry im with tori .. and renee said good luck ....


ha!



omg i have to go but i onli hav eliek an hour till my fix!!


ugh this is bad

at least i know im fucked up

ok so yea i appologized to mail .. when she gets that i have no clue but yea... i m jelouse of them but its not liek i wanna be with him ... or yea... cuz im happy in my situation right now .. so amazingly head over heals happy ......but i have a jelousey issue


o well
doesnt matter in richmond i will not be around ne exes... well chet was an ex fling but i got over that liek last year! ..... uhhh

hopefully i wont be single when i leave to so yea...


fuuuuuck .. i dont liek waiting till 10 oclock .... every night this week ... well besides monday and tuesday but yea....... hmph!

tori is spoiled rottttttten






off to make my paper and listen to music

fuck athority - penny wise ....... makes my day for somereason



bye starshine .. make 10:00 now!!!

beyond like

first off im not sorry i got caught im sorry ima shytty person and that ive embarassed my self and every one else.... but im not talkign about that ... ever again thnk you


second ... yes you called me an attention whore and yes i do not care cuz its too late now ... i couldnt be your friend right now ne way .. i dont deal well with people who talk to my exes..., sorry i am a bratt .... sorry !


but yea





ineedtogo!

vic

battle plan

omg! yay !
i get my entire life back thursday!!!!! mom says im grounded till then and she wants my virgin fone and no tv and no computer sept for my project till thursday then she said she never wants to talk about it again! omg! that means my summer will not suck liek i thought it would and omg! ...... wow ... im sooo happy.. and this means my certain plans with a certain person will not be fucked up .. and life will be perfect.. beyond perfect.... no one could have better timing .. omg iloveyousomuch



eeek!
well i have to go to michaels soccer game!
bye babes!


vic

AngryMohawkDwarf: i promise i'll say something else cute and witty and blog worthy

flints life long goal .. to be in my blog always lol
jk


omg.. so today was a total upper vses the shyt of a week im having ... i just cant wait for it to be the end of school ... for sooooooooo many reasons...

im gonna leave this short and no point cuz yea.. secrets suck... and so do a certain persons freinds...


sore as a mother fucker!


vic

just so you know the only reason im alive is a certain person and a few little things , but that doesnt mean i didnt appreciate you

everythgin you do is a choice. every move you make every thought you think affects you . the people around you affect you . no one is as alone as they feel . the world is based upon rules and taboos and reputations.no one can appreciate them to the fullest until they fuck it all up.

she still doesnt beleive it happend, it still doesnt hit her there is a scarlett letter burning onto her chest, it wont hit her until its ways over and then it wont matter. she wants to die , to start over. she feels liek she lost.. what a stupid game it was .. how short how pointless and full of negativity. moral to life.... never get caught



im sorry for every one im affectign .. im sorry for the trust im losing im sorry for the play for the governers school for college for peopel who will nwo hate my for my parents , for my dads job ....


game over
nothing left to do but wait...


civ

is a cutter still a cutter if he just cuts his whole fuckign arm off?

im allll kinds of sore.....

nothing is better then sleepign with someone .. not fucking... sleeping... nothign is better... i just wish it wasnt a one time occasion


prom kicked massive ass i got ot see ashley basham......and i got to hang out with logan and i got to give adam hugs and ... lots of stuff i saw chris and jimmy and .. yea it was awsome o! and i got to dance my ass offffff ... i love dancing.....!


muah babes


off to rest my sore body





vic

love hates you

manana is prom .. im very excited... umm .. im feeling very stuck up and in charge today so i think ill be bitchy for a little while tonight lol .... lets hope it doesnt leak over into tomarrow to much ... i dunno logan seemed to liek me when i was a bitch ...

dad explained the meanign of life to me... or rather at least a secret of the universe.. i looked up the chinese resturant ... they look very good.. im excited..

http://www.taiwangarden.com

they look very nice...



im not feelign so hot so im gonna go clean and listen to hole some more .. i dont give to shyts if you think courtney killed him .. her music is still fucking awsome and i love then both hell she cant be half bad she married him !


muuuuah



vic

i know i know .. lyrics are bad .. but i want under his skin bad

DYING - hole - celebrity skin

You’ve seen the crippled dance
Be your money baby, now’s your chance

I am so dumb
Just beam me up
I’ve had it all forever
I’ve had enough

Remember, you promised me
I’m dying, I’m dying please
I want to, I need to be...
Under your skin
Our love is quicksand,
So easy to drown
They steal the gravity out
From moving ground

Remember, you promised me
I’m dying, I’m dying please
I want to I need to be
Under your skin

And now I understand
You leave with everything
You leave with everything
Remember....

And I now I know that love is dead
You come to bury me.
There’s nothing left here to pretend..

Remember you promised me..
I’m dying, I’m dying please
I want to, I need to be
Under your skin

I’m dying I’m dying please
I’m dying I’m dying please
I’m dying I’m dying please
Under your skin
Under your skin

there are reasons why i love my friends... this is one

TrentReznoRed: h/o a sec
TrentReznoRed is away at 7:39:57 PM.
grayraynebowz: kk

Auto response from TrentReznoRed: grayraynebowz: mm.....
grayraynebowz: sweaty musicians....
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grayraynebowz: quit giving me thoughts

grayraynebowz: o...m...g
grayraynebowz: hahhaahahhahahahahah
grayraynebowz: i fuckign love you
grayraynebowz: u just made my life...





dude ..... im not even gonna get into it .. just no that convo in his awai message was a while ago so i feel special

muuah
vic

i feel liek such a stranger

i hate not postign in here...

lifes kinda... blurry right now .. im losing touch with reality and everythgin will come rushing back ther minute i graduate... i hat ehow i numb myself under pressure..


lets see school life- decent
love life - absent .... but has a few potential openings?
spirituallity - still absent... maybe college will give em tiem to work on that again
friends- decent
diet- total crap
body- see diet
esteem - so layed back i forget im noticed by ne one ... so its not low but it isnt cocky...

it helps to make things un blurry ...
but this is mine and no one reads it ne way so ill used to to ramble about meaningless nothign!

my legs have been hurting for a while
i hope it isnt a blood clot
i dont wanna die
i also hope it stops cuz it hurts and makes me wanna cry in the middle of doing nothing ....





i love you




not realy but that word is about as costomary as sayinf bless you


so bless you




vic

momentary self loathing being blamed on you

Sunday, April 24, 2005

you cant see me
Current mood: frustrated

you dont see me
you dont care..
i might as well not be here.
if i was gone woudl you notice
if i left town woudl ne one be upset

i wish it was next year ..
i wish i could get out and see the peopel who do care about me
fluvanna is a hole.. an empty worthless hole...
u sit at home and wait to leave

next year shoudl be good
but that isnt now
in the mean time i sit here and rot and dream

its a horrible life

itll be over in september

i love you

somethign from english i wrote

Impossible Endings
In high schools across the country students are being forced into completing senior projects to get their diplomas. Some students only have to complete them for special diplomas. Senior projects are a very vague assignment created just to break a senior’s brain by placing it on top of college business, graduation business, and other end of the year activities. Students are being asked to push themselves to the limit during a time when all they want to do is have fun.
Senior project subjects range from attaining a license in diving to creating a newsletter and getting it printed. Students are being asked to find something their interested in after they had spent every moment of their life since they were 5 to this point focusing all their time working on school, how should they know what their interests are. Students are interested in things that are quick, I don’t know of any students who spend their time hosting elaborate balls and going out of their way to do volunteer work in other countries when they have to either be earning money or making the grade. If a student isn’t working on one of these two things then they either are rich enough to pay off the project and college or they really don’t care.
Some students can actually get this thing done with out having a stress attack but these are the same students who manage to breathe and attain straight A’s, perfect teeth, and find twenty dollar bills on the way to the park. Schools are asking too much at this point, the last part of school should not be the hardest. Senior projects should not be senior projects at all but junior or sophomore projects. Students have enough stress as it is senior year with college , goodbyes, graduation , maintaining GPA’s, and other such things that shouldn’t happen all at once that they don’t deserve to have to go out of their life and world to create something where the whole goal is to make themselves accomplish the impossible.

be nice to me i donated blood today

im in a good mood right now... i gave blood today so im a little out of it and if you cant tell by the horrible typing im in 4th period..... im gonna go sunningwith bj before practice and try to get rid of this head ache... i got most of the things done for my project i just need to look up some things to write tonight... hopefully ill have a couple of pages typed up and life will be good... and mom wont yank me outta the play ... and choir... ugh! but yea... i cant realy think to well right now im tired... i got to hang out with kevin last night .. hes fun to talk to ... lol somehowi mentioned jamie.... not tin the stalker way we were just talking about typesof people and i said there are nice people pretty people ass holes and druggies... druggies have no other lives,pretty people are either ass holes or idiots, nice people are either creepy or ugly or both , and ass holes are hot .. for a while ... so i need a pretty person who is real .. not an ass hole but can be mean when its necisarry ... and not afraid to experiment and have fun ...

somehow i mentioned jamie...

hes one of those peopel who doesntbeleive me when i say hes beautiful


but ye aill leave before i hit stalker status

vic!

why dont people speak

so friday sarah drove me to my house i went and got my stuff and was walkign out the door when ethan calls...... uhhhhh yea i told him id talk to him later
and frankly it irked the fuck outta me ..... he has the balls to call me when hes all over some chick and ignoring me .... HA ... fuck him ... so then i go out with sarah we eat over priced chinese food and watch sin city .... wikid movie... then i go to work and i come home to a voice mail and a missed guest .. tunrs out kevin is finally back in town and he came by while i was at work ..so i wait but he doesnt come by ... and yea i was kinda dissapointed till i went to the back door at liek 840 holding the dog thinking shoudl i turn on the light and i open the door put the dog down and look up to a kevin right there... i almost pissed myslef lol but yea we go for a walk ... lifes good he helpd distract me a little bit from y last problem but that problem was baisically gone after i talked to adam.... yea so im in a bettr mood i just wish i didnt have to go to the doctors in 20 mins ... i signed up to give blood wednesday ... *scared* but its the good thing to do ... so yea ill do it ..

i hope kevins around when i get home .. i wanna go for another walk .. i wish he never went back hes so fuckign awsome i need more laid back friends liek him .... plus he smells realy good lol ... but ne way i think im gonna go and harass ansel some more...


muah


vic

"for this whole horrible half hour ive been tryign to forget you but its no use, jethro i cant think anymore so i know you must be the man for me"

once again shyt fucks it self up in my head...

i had an amazing day friday i got togo one a feild trip got to wear my favvvvvvve tank top lol ... (boobs ) ... and i got to go out to see sin city with sarah and slept over her house... sept i after the play i COULDNT stop thinking about him ... it was driving me madd.. i dont want to be in like with someone i know i cant have .. i dont wanna be in liek with some one i know will just brush me off or even worse pretend liek everythings ok and unknowingly get my hopes up ... i want to stop thinking about it .. i want to be able to focus with out chills going up my spine becaus ei rememebered what it feels like when he touches me and how much i want to have that all the time....
damnit it miss him i just wish he felt the same............



STOP FUCKIGN THINKING ABOUT IT

i hate being a girl ...
girls are so weak and guys dont liek them .. unless their dateing them and theni ts only cuz they are pure sex......

ugh

i need to be not single...




tori

senior spotlight

so i finally figured out what i wannado fro my senior spot light in choir.. i wanna learn how to play pattirothbergs - inside on myguitar andplay and sing that ........ im excited.. i love here and know one will have heard of her wich is kinda not good but realy kewl at the same time cuz ... it makes me me and not you



um yea... ishoudlnt eat somuch sugar at lunch cuz i fell asleep in the other room and now i feel all sticky .,,.,.,.,.,.....

blah



im in a goodmood.. iget to see sarah and she shoudlbe comgin over tomarrownight.... we cantalk to adam some more.. and thiskeyboard realy realy sucks


vic

ARGH!!!

omg... so life is mondo hectic right about now .... but yea.. i realuy hope kailees situation becomes clearfor her ./. i want her to stay but thats my opinion.. life will work out i promise... but yea.. joe isdead to me .. im not even gonna fuck with it .. im gonna give him his money tell him hes a lousey fuck and that hes lucky i dont turn himin forharrasment then just go about life day dreamingabout beating the living shyt out of him andhoping he dies ofaids.... but yea other wise... life is decent icalled logan last night ... *sigh* ... i cant wait till prom .. i dont liek not seeinghim .. .. cuz i dontknow what i want ne more.. but yea... i talked to daniel at lunch today i missed him yesterday..... lol its crazy hes such a fuckign awsome person ...


ugh



i realy just wannago to practice and eat my zebra cakes!!!!!!!!!!!!
im going on a feild trip friday .. im excitedi get to see fiddler on the roof... this space bar is fucked up ....



ryan was reading over myshoulder....lol ;look there he goes again!!!!!!!!!! lol ilove ryan he makes me laugh ....




vole


vic

whore moan ul

last night i didnt dream of logan ... (sorry babe) ... i drempt abotu hostages.....

i was in a house and all of a sudden every one was ebing held hostage so i ran out and ran into the house next door wich was mine and my family (there were liek 6 other people who were my "family" ) was inside .. also being held hostage so i start yellign at the lady tellign me to sit down so they can tie me up and order me around .. i was tryign to get her to grab me .. i had this thing on my finger which was a blade so when she grabbed me i stroked her arm ... (with the blade) but she wasnt really payign attention so she kept a hold of me and laughed and sayd it was sharp enough so i did it again but realy hard and she started screamign when i looked down and sayed you bleeding and made these horrible chocking sounds lieka dieing animal and we all ran out .. but then i ran back in with some 8 yr old who was my " brother" and tried to get a fone to call 911... and the lady came back and stabbed my brother and was tryign to stab me .. but then i woke up and yea.. im pretty sure i kicked her ass lol

daddy has been getting realy pissy latly...its making me mad.. its wierd .. i got more charms for my bracelette... its done .. its covered! its awsome .. mr fisho died yesterday .. i realy want a new one but thier takign thier time...

have you ever just wanted a certain some one to tell you how much they loved you and how much they only want you even though they could and have had any girl they pleased...... yea.. im wantignt hat right now and about to start my period so all my emotions are heightend...

in my dreams i have always either drempt of my grandmas house or a huge house where there is an area for me and only me .. most of the time im the only person who knows about the area not to mention the only person who goes there... well iw as just thinkign about it and it sliek ive been waiting for college since i was liek 4 .. ive always wanted to be away from my family and by myself but able to be with peopel my age ... peopel i wanna hang out with and be calm and happy....


i realy dont wanna be home rigth now ...
id realy liek to go to town and see logan ... only seeing him once is such a fuckign tease.. i just re relized how encapturing he is ... i mean he does still piss the fuck out of me cuz he wont tell me hes mine and thats all i have and will ever want from him ... but i doubt ill ever hear it .. but he does make me feel so comfortable and familiar and maybe its just cuz ive known him longer then most all my freinds.. btu i dunno ...

i really just wanna be with him right now..... damnit!



bleed alreadi



vic

i hope your as happy as your pretending

i FINALLY got to see logan tonight... im so amazingly extreamly so mcuh! happy and excited, there is no one else i woudl rather go to prom with right now .. im so glad i got to see him he feels so familiar to me even though i havnt seen him in 3 years i feel like were together all the time.... i realy like him .. he makes me feel .. so..... i have no fuckign clue .. im just super extreamly happy and excited right now ...

he even talked to my dad...... ryan hated my family and was a brat and showed it ... damnit....

im gonna go explode somewhere....


much love....


vic!

trouble , falls into my lap .... or katie throws it at me

so i uh talked to katie today!! i miss her liek a mother fucker... my original subway freind... *sigh* good days...

she gave me a little present... im excited

but yea.. i got my prom dress last night ... i shoudl eb seeing logan tonight ... my life is now justa series of waiting so ill go do that and quit boring you!

not good enough . but he still loves me

turns out johns talkgin to some oen ... good for him

um im getting all this prom stuff straight .. its a pain in the assssss

but i might get to see logan tomarrow
and i got my dress tonight ..

im soo happy...
happy and sick
but fucking happy!


vic

amazing

well tori has a date ...a dn its a good one too .. logans takign me to prom .. and i am soo fuckign happy... im so releived its with soem oen i know and want to be with but even more excited cuz i never get to see logan !

.. im to excited to talk much right now ....

muuuuuuuuah starfuckers

tori

intreblaze24

prominade


still no date, which would be fine ... nevermind it is not fine! it is my senior prom damnit... but i want to go with some one i like.... some one who i can have fun with ... i woudl kill to ask john and him say yes.. but im running out of time and i dont think he would say yes... maybe if i offered to buy his ticket? ... i dont know... ill try and talk to him this weekend...

but any way ..

i feel liek the whole world is against me right now and the people who arnt i feel so far away from .. i realy just want to make their problems dissapear... and i would kill for some one to come hug me rigth about now... but some one who i like ... im not talkign abotu crush im talkign about someone who i can be me with someoen who makes me happy a real friend and not this cutsy hug hug kiss kiss bs....

i wish i was more then friends with john ....... but this isnt the point... its just hes the ONLY person in fluvanna i could see myself with ... but its prolly just cuz i dont know him well enough to not liek him yet lol








so fucking out




that girl

joel-peter witkin

i was reading kailees magazine..a nd it had the66.6 top goth moments in it ..a ndthey had images fromt he closer video..a dn it said it was inspired by joel-peter witkin.. i lookedhim up ... im to dark for my friends lol .. george islike ewwww hes dead! lol


muah


vix

*living things*

turns out im not goth ne more.... at all .. i wonder when that happend?.. prolly 2 yrs ago ... but i just noticed... o well for the best goths are a little to .. blah for me

i love to much


i finished my sign of commitment.. and we currently have no teacher but were a lovly class who are mainly seniors in govners school .. so were being good... plus we have comps to occupyour selves with ...


but yea i have to pee..... so i dunno what im gonna do .. no teacher to sign my book ill prolly leave in a little bit but i have todo mny qoute....



muuuahhhh


tori

*dream on starshyne*

Dream on little girl
For dreams are warm and the world is cold
Dream on little girl
Don’t let your soul get old


I drempt about jamie last night. But not realy . I drempt my dad kept walkgin in on me doing something I wasn’t sposed to be doing so he came in a 3rd time so I decided to hide but he has a bunch of flowers… I came out and asked what they were for .. he said some oen sent them to me (I NEVER get flowers) … so I was perplexed.. and the next thing I know a guy shows up and is like hey its jamie from where you used to live sept he ment pa and he was a little punker… and big and buff … and blond… looked nothing like jamie… and didn’t even seem to act like him either… but yea.. so im living with my family at grams house and hes telling me how much he wants to hang out and be with me and its like im 14 and hes 19…. I felt sooo utta place… I mean I was like mom I love him blah blah bullshyt and she was like omg hes my favorite u need to marry him ! and im like uhhhhh ..cuz I was like this ISNT jamie…… and I dunno I guess I liked the attention … and I like dreaming about people I know.. but I didn’t know this guy … O! and he was a "devout catholic" ?!!?!? he kissed my parents asses and payed NO mind to me .. I didn’t like this guy to much …
Well yea dream over
I did talkt o jamie on the fone last night .. he sounds like chris… like a lot… like it was freakign me out I was waiting for him to say something weird like chris like woah or .. soemthign … lol but he didn’t …. He was cool to talk to .. lol I got online a chris was on so I told him about his vocal other….. lol chris is great!
He told me dylan and brandon are going to vcu next yr!!! So hes gonna introduce me on the trip and I m gonna have new friends for next yr! * Excited *
Welli must go get dressed and ready for schoool
* Mreow *
vic

never EVER settle for less.. u only live once.

im realy bored right now .. i think i have to ask mom to take me back to richmond friday .. i realy dont want togo .. i dont like shopping ,,, ill feel perfectly fine about my curvaciouse mess of a body .. then they try to dress it up in things that barely fit on a anorexic 12 yr old... esteem ... shyt ..... yea...
but im feelign realy pretty today ... very pretty... which is fun .. i feel bad for bj .... i know she shouldnt have done that but i dont believe in holding back . if you want to do something and the other persondoes too ... i dont beleive ylu should restrain urself just because its not the "cool" thing to do ... which um also got me in a lot of trouble .. cuz yea i wanted to kiss ian ... but ian wanted me to love him ... false emotions are in there somewhere... but not on purpose...

but yea that was a while ago

i realy realy hate being in school so long .. im so tired and angry and upset ltly..... i need to find that bottle of st johns wart ... i have no clue where i threw it... but yea... this blows..

i wish i was at home on my computer talkign to some one who makes me ahppy....... or i wish i was out hanging with someone .... i realy just need to be out... with peopel... im gettign realy ... ugh ... normally i go out with sarah alot and i love sarah madly but i need someone whos a little more me and a little more social... like kailee... i dunno ... i wanna go with a group of people...

i was talking to jamie the other daya nd i reminded myself of edward mckays... omg... if i lived in nc right now... id live there... gettign free books and eatign pizza... and if i didnt liek pizza
9liek i dont now) then id hit up pastabilities... best wraps ever!! lol ... god im such a dork on the inside.... but not a geniouse... just quiet booky .... half the time... *nostalgic* i wish i was there... sept mckays moved any way i dont know where they are ne more...

i gave myself a pedicure last night .. i actually have cute feet... im proud damnit...

im rambling wayyy to much ......


fucking ......

vic

....i have some bodys head, ... but i dont think i killed him ...

Taurus
Daily extended (by Astrology.com)One of several scenarios is about to unfold, so prepare yourself. A) You may receive a call from someone you haven't heard from in forever, who'll beg you to just jump on a plane and visit. B) You'll have an argument with a dear one about money, and you know how you hate those. C) A casual encounter will result in a not-so-casual embrace. Better think about it before you make a move. Really.

does it count that last nigth a girl i dont talk to to much calls me and beggs me to get her flight times?thier getting more and more specific ...... im votign c i need hugs latly....




last night i drempt aboutt his asian girl .... she got off a aplane and was wondering a ghetto area... and this black girl .. skinny and pretty as anythign about 17 comes over to her and asks her is shes ok ... she looks up and says i have some bodys head but i dont think i killed him ... she asks the asian girl if she has any idea who did and she stops talking ..so the black girl tells her to come with her and to walk in the middle of the street even if a car comes and took the head out of her hands... and car comes and taps the black girl so she freaks out throws the head under the wheel and moves to the side of the street .. while the car takes the head far far away ... and it looks like it has nothgin to do with the asian girl .. so the black girl adopts her and takes her to a party where she finds out who her new father will be ... shes all dressed up but like she was going to a club ... (after comeing straight from asia, liek old asia) .... and she goes to the bathroom and she walks leik she knows who she is and where shes going... and a panther tries to follow her in the bathroom .. she yells at it and closes the door..leavign her jacket on the panther... so anyway .. she cant realy get her pants off .. their entirely too tight... but when she does she sits down and tries to understand where the head came from and why she cant rememeber....


it was a wierd fuckign dream... there was even more imposiblilities in it i wont go into details over ... ill just let you know it had somethign to do with josh neitz being madly in love with me ... HAHAHAAHAHAH ....... i fuckign hate him ...*sigh*

ok i love you guys but i lost an hour so i must go shower


loves

vic

are you excited for xmas ling ling?! .. its a tumor!!!

ugh
i found THE dress... and it looks liek shyt on me ... so i have no dress.. i have nothign but a few new shirts .. that i still feel fat in .. i feel fat all the time.. and im hididng behind my sweatshirt.. i hate it ...
and its not liek im not eatign right and exercising...


pill is bad




vic

quick ! get me out

Taurus(April 20-May 20)Stop tapping on the desk. You're not the only person on the planet who's ever been in dire need of a change in scenery. Your mission is to find a way to get yourself to where you need to be.

this reminded me of the convo i was havign last nigth with my friend... i told him i couldnt wait till i was in richmond... i felt like i was gonna burst last night .. i hate how negative i feel latly.. i just need to curl up with someone and be happy again ... btu yea.. were not gonna get into why thats not gonna happen right now .. but yea and so i was also saying i shoudl come visit him .. but yea... 3 hrs isnt bad by car... but um i dont drive... i wish i did ... id go visit him as soon as summer started... life woudl be fun ..... *giggles* i love tlking to him .. makes me smile ......

smilign is fun ...
i just wish he was closer ... so i woudlnt have to wait for my lovely internet to love me back to be happy and cheerful again ... yea... my timer is deffinitly back.... it realllly sucks...

o and the pope is dyeing......



am i the only oen who knew this a weekago!?!?

ughhhher ....


i have to ride the bus home todai .. i do think im gonna pass out... its warm in here.. and im tired... and ...tired....

i love you guys .... welll no .... but i love some peopel who read this ... they rest of you dont care so i dont love you


<3456 victoria

victoria

ok so people suck .... we knew this
but they pic my most depressed upset hopeless day to drop everything on me and make me the fuckign bad guy ....

cuz its my fault life sucks

didja know that ?

well ne wai ... i dont feel good and im frustrated and angry....

but some oen thought i was pretty today so it wasnt a compleat waist......




fuck it.....



vic

hmmm .... title here

i am angry

i was having teh shytty day yesterday ...and i freake odut at dinner and yea... so i came home and i was feelign a little better.... and igot online and started talkign to jamie ... afte ri got off the fone with travis..... which caused my net to be a little sketchy ... ....yea.. so i was getting irritated.... but yea ... back to the point..... talkign to jamie.. feelin a little better.... sent danny a link and he said i rule .. little better then fucking bam.... everything died...no net from last night round nine till at least this morning when i left for school ...so yea ... it didnt help me... i felt totaly helpless..... i was in the middle of checking messages on myspace....... i want to know what they said .. but i cant myspace on these computers...... ...ugh


i havnt posted in a while


ethan grabbed my arm on his way by today .. i thought he was mad at me ..l but guess not.....
i talked to adam.... i mean i fuckign talk to him all the time online .. but like once in a blue moon in person .. he is soooo fuckign quiet...l blah.... hes pretty tho ......,






blah .. i want tobe on mycomputer with out these damn blockers... and viruses and spamand ...... sticking space bar.... ok im gonna go .. ryans being a nudge...


vic (as editedby ryan (aka enormous gormes))

*every thing comes full circle*

when i lived in north carolina i was head over heals in love with a boy named nick mebane.. he was the cutest blond haired god of a seventh grader.. and i worshiped his every move.... one day in our new class rooms equiped with tvs in the top corner with digital read outs of the time he freaked out and started blowing kisses at the clock..... he said when the numbers are the same you kiss the clock and make a wish, so me being the loyal subject i was every time i saw a clock with its numbers the same ever since closed my eyes made a wish and blew a kiss.... something ive done ever since.... even if just out of habbit.. every one could use a reason to make a wish ...

well today i finished my paper and to celebrate i spluged online and spent alot of time surfing myspace.com .. i added my old schools and did some searchign .... ive always been the time of girl who likes to show of so i sort of always in the back of my mind wanted to meet nick one more time to show him that i m not a little girl and that i can be pretty..... so i kept my eye out for him .... well i found him ... hes now with a girl who in the year book seemed nothign special but is very beautiful now .. and i seem to rmeber her a little bit... all i can rememebr is her glasses... ive always been a poor judge of girls..... but anyway .. i surfed through his freinds profiles and found a guy named jamie ... he seemed very interestign ... but he didnt look familiar..so i sent him a message asking if he was there while i was .. he was....
he imed me later and we talked for a few hours... im truely spellbound.. i wish i knew him forever.... hes an awsome person ... hes best friends with nick ... i got to talk to him a little bit but i was distracted by jamie , seth , and sleep..... so my comback wasnt what i hoped for but my new freidn is more than i hoped for ... so life is good
i eventually got off aim and layed down .. the clock said 1:11 .... i closed my eyes.... opend them once more and all i could say was thank you
every thing comes back
everythign comes full circle.....

i love you and i love life


vic

where is yoru boy tonight, i hope he is a gentleman

i finished my paper!!
omg i am excited...
mom just asked me about my party.... i m gonna have a cookout bdai party for my 18th! on may 14 after the play.. it hink im doing the playu that weekend... but yea...

i feel so releived that my paper is done.. i just need to tweek it and viola! ...

*collapses back in chair.... *

report cards are scaring me ... ....


i lvoes you







vic

my hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me so i die happy , so wont you kill me

how come every time one little thing goes wrogn everythign likes to follow?! ......

im half wai done ith my paper..... and now im feeling icky from over eating and listening to dashboard confessionals...


the other day at work i wrote myself a note to post on here... btu i forgot to because of the paper...



*the missing post*

omg! i love my job ...
this little boy came in with his brother and his grandma .. he was playign with the guns and she kept tellign him to stop so i looked up and he was sooo adorible he was this little black boy with long eyelashes and this cute little button nose and omg he was so cute i wanted to grab him up and hug him and squeez him and talk at him ... and it hits me why i wanna do that .. he looks just liek garret... just with a differnt color skin ...he was a little quiet to be garret ... hes more happy and bouncy and super sweet .. but t6his kid was very reserved ... but he said a lot of the same thigns garret says ..but yea....
it made my day
i miss my little boy ... hes my favorite person in the world
him and his new little brother zach.....

i miss them so much i cant wait till may .. i get to go to pa ... but only for a weekend...
it depresses me how much i wont be able to go up there for a while ...
i miss them soo much ...
but grama and aunt elain are coming to my graduation!!!
first school thing that soem oen who isnt michael or mom and dad are coming to ....

life is semi good.... now i just need to find a dress .... and maybe a date .... but im not to worried about it ...



muah starshyne



vixcks

my tummy box feels broken

so i stumbled upon salad fingers... im in love

todai kiked ass!!

happi easter babes!!


pat and nancy came over and moms friend came we had a big italian easter..... yummy ...

i ate wai to much tho .. and my papers onli half wai done so im gonna work otu a little and finish my paper


bye babes
vic

flipper died a natural death, he caught a nasty virus

......wow.....

i told ryan about kris...
bad bad bad move
i miss ryan soo much
but now he hates me ...
well he says he doesnt .. but i know he does hes tired of this little girl and he wishes i never was
i miss him
and i will alwais love him
thats not even a fuckign question ...


why ?


there is a line of guys right now .....

i dont know what to do
i dont knwo what i want ...
i want to be with other peopel ..
but not if it fucks up me and ryan
not if one day he will be it .....
but isnt that the whole reason we split ?
cuz i want to try out every other guy ......

maybe if guys wernt so carnivorus
and every time i met one they asked me how i liek my sex
id liek more of them like i liek ryan

but i am nothing but your fuckign steak


take a fuckign bite while its still here


vic.....

*dreamers often lie in bed asleep while dreaming things true*

i was in mr spraggs class and he came around and handed us a pill ... and continued with class and he also had some blue wine stuff which i got some of and kept getting some ogf i drank liek half a bottle ... then he came around with the finisher pill for the first one .. the one that makes it work ... i thought 2wice about takign it but then i did .... i didnt wanna mix alcohol and ish but i did .. then i was lookign ata video and the screen was all dark and you couldnt make much out and i was liek look mom that how i see sometimes... and i reali do i cant stand it .. btu she says it was cuz i was drunk or making it up or somethign ..... or my hypotension .. but i wanted to be liek i think its cuz i tried pot or ciggarettes or somethign but yea !so i go down the hall to get to my bus and codys there and i go give him a hug and kiss and he says somethign about practice being everyday .. and im feakign out cuz i cant see and im kinda drunk .. so im liek todai !? and hes like no next week dont miss it (cody doesnt even have practice with me ) so i make my way down the hall with reali bad tunnel vision and i run down to where the busses are and there are alll these little freshmen girls useign dressers to baricade all the doors so we cant use busses cuz thier not good enough for thier preciouse tax dollars... so i bytch them out about how i have no car and it is free transportation and they dont have to do it but they do and it keeps my parents from bytching me out and yea.. so they tilt thiere heads and are liek omg ur right u make a piont you may pass so i go out there and thier are no busses.... the busses decided not to come due to the boycott...... so yea..... i notice one of the little bratts is dragging my dresser accross the asphalt... im pissed .. we just painted that thing ... so i ask her how the hell she got it and she said her brother who works at plan nine followed me into my house and snuck into my room when i was in the bathroom ..... im freaking out .... someo ne was fuckign in my house and i had zero clue... so i go up to my dorm room ... and its trashed... i put the door back together but i hear some one callign me name all horror movie like and im freakign out .. i out the door back up and hes liek i woudlnt do that and starts locking me in as i put doors up .. so i leave the last one open ... and put up a metal out line of a fox (from fox racing) and its my bfs logo or somethign across the hall ... connected to my room .. (as im dreaming i can hear jude law and thwe semester abroad ) so im waiting for him to come help me .. but i accidently knock a gas pipe open and start a fire ... so i turn on the shower and try to put everythign out .... but a lava flow starts and thier starts to be a narative voice and im explaining to him what happens to the girl .. she keeps getting under the shower so she wont die .. and she eventually getsout .......



it was wierd as fuck!!!!!

vic