I have always loved this song

Now all those simple things are simply too complicated for my life
How'd I get so faithful to my freedom?
A selfish kind of life
When all I ever wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life



Goodnight

guh.

Have you ever had one of those days/weeks/months where all you wanted to do was bitch?
where nothing in life put you in a good enough mood?
where you felt like playing the poor poor me card for far too long?
where even the way the person across the room is breathing is pissing you off?

How the hell do you get out of that funk? Cuz right now I just want to complain about evvvery thing when frankly things are going pretty well and I need to learn how to put that into conversation, I guess its just my lovely week and there is nothing that can change that.

I think I will try to use this to fill in my notebook and write myself out of the mood but suggestions are welcome.

<3

I adore my friends... a lot.

Things I Like About Tori
by ****** *********,*******.
NSFW
I like the way tori gets lost in nostalgia sometimes when she's drinking.
I like the look tori gets when she's thinking about being devious, even though she's still a good girl.
I like getting mexican food with Tori because her spanish accent is extremely attractive, and she bursts into it uncontrollably.
I like the way tori says the word "perfect" with a brief, almost non-existant pause in the middle. Though she's usually talking about someone else, if i close my eyes, it's about me.
I like tori's inexplainable need to keep trinkets from forever ago.
I think the world is rich for having her in it.
I like tori's amazing ability to command everyone's attention when she walks into a room.
I like that she always seems to be looking at me at the very moment that I catch myself staring at her.
I like lots of things.

Poem I found while going through old college papers

Somthing About Nothing
by victoria small

Spent the day in classes,
Never heard a teacher.
Somethings always going on up there,
A whole lot of something about nothing.
Losing focus brings mediocracy.

Spent the next hour eating,
Tought and dreamed,
About nothing.
Friends laugh,
Losing charisma makes one boring.

Spent the night wandering
From friend to friend
From 7-11 to ally ways
Spent the whole time singing something
But to you its nothing
Lack of personality makes you dead.

Spent the morning sleeping
So many stories in that girls head
She dreams about everything
But to you its nothing
Thoughts don't matter
Isn't that what you said?



This by far isn't one of my best poems, but I don't really remember writing it and it kind of just struck me I remember being obsessed with mediocracy and charisma ....
neat.

I Refuse..

I refuse to not experience life.
I refuse to feel guilty for wanting to be by myself.
I refuse to miss out on all my present opportunities.
I refuse to dote, bend, and change for someone because it is what "you are supposed to do".
I refuse to stand still.

I vow to live life to the fullest.
I vow to do what makes me happy, healthy, and move forward in life.
I vow to continue to build friendships, alliances, and networks.
I vow to create as much as humanly possible for my community, friends, and family.
I vow to take as many people with me as I can.

Love is so much more than other people.
Life is for living.
Experience is the goal.

Who the hell wants to deny themselves a full life?

Life if for living philosophy (universal advice)

Logan Mays Was I really that bad?
37 minutes ago · Comment · Like

Ashleigh Berry likes this.

Logan Mays haha don't know what to think about someone liking that status...haha.
33 minutes ago · Like

Ashleigh Berry haha idk wut ur talkn bout but i could guess...
31 minutes ago · Like

Logan Mays Just my past, I still sit in wonder.
30 minutes ago · Like

Victoria Small you will never get anywhere if you dont pull yourself out of the past kid.
28 minutes ago · Like · 1 person

Logan Mays Yeah, my past haunts my dreams...
27 minutes ago · Like

Victoria Small then wake up.
27 minutes ago · Like

Logan Mays I do, and then reality just sucks more. At least in my dreams I have everything i need.
26 minutes ago · Like

Victoria Small you really don't have a reach out and take it philosophy do ya?
25 minutes ago · Like

Logan Mays explain.
25 minutes ago · Like

Victoria Small If you are unhappy worrying about your past, forget your past. If you are unhappy with your reality change your reality. If you want something get it. Life IS really that simple. Moping with get you absolutely nothing.
24 minutes ago · Like · 1 person

Logan Mays I've tried to change what I'm unhappy with....it takes two to change what i wish to change.
23 minutes ago · Like

Victoria Small You will never be happy in life until you can be happy alone. Trust me. There is nothing more liberating than being completely self reliant this includes emotionally, when having a relationship is just an added perk instead of a necessity, it takes the stress out of it and its way healthier.
20 minutes ago · Like · 1 person

Logan Mays You know at one point in my life, I was the cockiest man you could meet. I was happy with me...She changed all of that. I feel like hell most days now, I feel worthless, like nothing. I try to hang out with friends, and love life, but it seems so dull.
17 minutes ago · Like

Tiffany Dyott hey im like so reading all this n logan u r a great person and u can accomplish nething u wish n its like i said b4 tf its ment to b then it will b n stay strong n keep ur head up,its gona get worse b4 it gets better...n idk who u r victoria but everything u r saying is so true n kinda helping my situation a lil lol
12 minutes ago · Like

Victoria Small Then start something new, take up a new hobby. When my life got boring I started derby, when it slowed down then I got a job as a flight attendant, now I am starting hooping, and organizing a circus, and I am ALWAYS making shit. There is so much to do out there Logan, take life by the fucking balls already. Worry about your boys, get a hobby, make yourself proud and when you are people will flock to you and you will be happy.
11 minutes ago · Like

Logan Mays I just can't stand not hearing from her any more. I keep strong to her, devoted, my heart does not move. That is something I never thought someone could bring out of me. It is amazing I will give it that. Someone who has tamed me, shown me that when you have love you keep it, you love it, you never give up on it. But she wants me to give up on it. I can not, I am firmly planted.
10 minutes ago · Like

Logan Mays I just don't get it, when she had nothing, I was everything, all she needed. Now that she has something, I am worthless. I feel my lungs and heart collapse everyday.
9 minutes ago · Like

Victoria Small Fuck her. seriously, this is how people work, this will happen on repeat. we want what we cant have, we are only worried about ourselves, we are selfish self involved pieces of narcissistic shit. and if you continue to sit there and fawn over someone who doesn't want it a) she will NEVER come back and b) someone who deserves for you to treat them the way that she taught you to treat someone will go with out it . Take what good you can out of the situation and move forward with it, if you are ment for this girl it will happen, if you sit around and fawn she will never see you with the desire she once had, trust me my ex still fawns over me and I can not take him seriously at all and I thought I was gonna marry the guy. The only chance you have to be happy is becoming someone who she or anyone would WANT to be with be PROUD to be with. Nothing gets a girl worse than seeing that you are better with out her.
3 minutes ago · Like · 1 person

Time to breathe.

Now that I am back from training and said my hellos to most of the people I had to leave a month ago I am coming to the realization that I literally went from a life where I had no time to breathe to one that in comparison makes me feel like I am standing still.
I went from a life where I was working my ass off, never had time to skate and when I wasn't working or skating I was off drinking, watching things, or playing games with Friend. Well now Friend is gone, I am skating almost everyday, am not allowed to drink most hours, and am just waiting around to work. ( getting paid to do so I might add)
This is resulting in a smaller waist line, bigger bank account and attempting to make more friends.
Love it.

So let me ramble about training and all its awesomeness.
Let me start with my teacher was an absolute riot and I dug him to the core! He just made the class a lot of fun. First night there all the girls went room to room to find each other, one girl wanted to go out and had free tickets to this show I would have loved to see but I behaved myself and stayed in, which was for the better because she was gone in 2 days. When she left I ended up haveing to switch roommates which is no fun but the night I was supposed to move the power went out in the hotel so we had to switch. This sucked .. alot. we had a ton of homework to do that night and when we got there I went to strip the comforter off my bed only to find a massive jizz spot.
Not a fan.
We ended up going to the movies one of the nights and saw The Last Exorcism , which in its self wasnt such a great movie but walking around Charlotte at night after wards creeped the shit out of me and I dont get scared. We went to the Epicenter another night , well we went somewhere near it, that night was also not on my list of favorite things either :/ But I did get to hang out with a band and get all dolled up for a bit which is nice.
Some how I aquired the nickname Jody .. or Jodes.
I dont really know how.

Long story short , it was alot of fun, I got to fly a simulator that pilots actually use and learn a lot of things like how to fight a fire and how to do CPR. I loved the girls and will hopefully see them on the line. I am also just very happy to be back in Cville, this really couldnt have worked out better.

<3

oh. and PS, I bout a Ukulele amongst all of this

WHY TORI IS NOT DATING AT THE MOMENT.

Because so very many men are complete tools, this is also noted in why I don't date yuppies, frat boys, musicians, most artists, the overly confident ( it comes off as arrogance, if you want to be worshiped, do it yourself. you don't need me for that)

Because I dont date pot heads.I do not enjoy dating a substance, sorry.

Because I am not doing damage control. I will not clean up after other women, parents, dumb choices etc. Stop putting me in that position, its not cute anymore. In high school being that girl that helped him through such a hard time was cute, but that hard time was when he got grounded for a week for getting a c. I am not certified for the messes I have and am expected to clean up.

Because I have ZERO time at the moment.. I am not even in the same state as my potential dating pool right now, so why the hell try? Also, I fly and I skate and I go out .. this is pretty much my life, the people who are out by the time I get out there tend to fall in the first category. I also am not sure if I want to date some one and have them on my team, but I would love the person I do eventually date to be able to skate with me. And no exceptions, I do not date where I work, end of story.

Most importantly though, I have seen were I am going and what I am capable of,and frankly my standards are just rising ...Unless you are running next to me you have no chance, I am not stopping for anyone.

goodnight
<3

I am beginning to look a lot like I remember

Its amazing how returning to the past can show you just how much you have grown, how much you have accomplished, how better of a person you really have become. Spent the last couple nights with a friend of mine prepping to set foot back into the city I hadn't seen since October, the only city until recently I claimed as a home, a city and a life I abandoned last June. It took a lot of emotional preparation to accomplish what I had to do tonight. I had to say goodbye to pretty much my favorite person and return to a place I wasn't quite sure how I would react to. Needless to say its been an interesting week or so. I went back, made my first real drive and it was lovely( drove through a couple rainbows and didn't hit anyone, I consider this a very good trip :p). Showed up maintained a wonderful streak of productivity that entailed much dusting, laundry, and arranging, not to mention the construction of a bed. I do so like putting things together. After everything was said and done me and friend and his new house mates ( who are pretty wicked btw.) all went out to explore the bars. Got food and drinks and met up with some old friends. I think considering how I left the city things were handled very well. I realized how much more confidence and energy I have since leaving the situation I was in. Eventually I returned to the room all made up and said my goodbyes. I will very much miss my friend, and the city that unlocked so much in me but I have a feeling I will be returning soon enough and things will work out well but as much as I adore a catalyst I also have a very big way of going into mourning for it. So here is to a wonderful night and the hope of many more to come.
Good luck my friend, and it was lovely to see the rest.
Sweet dreams.
Tori.

What a Saccharin Sweetheart.

So Im dealing with a lot of thinking and a lot of rehashing and a lot of choices...
This is leaving me brain dead and slightly grumpy ... Last time this happened I took a step back and evaluated my life and my alternatives and realized I by far was making the best choice.. and in this lovely little cryptic mess I haven't had a chance to completely remove myself from the situation but with my observations I am making an amazing choice.... now if only my brain would calm down and just be happy :) <3

How Sickly Sinister Sweetheart.

I have been feeling quite feisty lately, I blame the weather. I am back to some level of happy and creating and singing again. I have been making things like crazy for my co workers and really need to take advantage of this spark and start putting stuff together for etsy...

I also need to turn on the fan, take off my work clothes, lay in the sun and daydream. I will do the etsy stuff later.

<3

PS. any one interested in some jewelry, let me know

Brown Eyes, I Would Follow You Anywhere

So I have come to the conclusion that the more I react to something the more reasonable the conclusion tends to be, and the hotter my flesh goes, and the more knots my stomach is in , the less there is even need for it. *Sigh* Oh to live the life of a girl, don't believe what they say, it is shit.

So todays story is going to be about lack of decisiveness. Have you ever noticed the whole "I dunno, what do you wanna do" circle and how absolutely painful it is? It is either spawned by neither person wanting to tell the other what they really want to do (IE: jump ones bones, leave, something really creepy, etc. ) or no one really wanting to do anything.

Regardless, people need to learn some creativity. Take up coffee and hiking and gtfo.

Don't Flatter Yourself, Or Why 'When Harry Met Sally' Is Making More Sense

So I work a lot, this is just how I need to be right now, but I am an immensely social person. I am constantly wanting to be around friends and out and about doing things, and working at 4:30 in the morning during the weekends, well that will kill anyones social life who isn't friends with a bunch of unemployed raging alcoholics. So being that I like my raging alcoholics to be employed I try to branch out and make friends with people who do the same sort of things as me and well.. either they are girls and have lives and boyfriends and excersize routines, or they are guys and automatically assume that since I want to hang out I want to have sex with them.
That is not the case, but does being back into question, can men and women be just friends? I have always wanted to believe that yes, I can be just friends with anyone and all people are wonderful kind sane understanding rational beings. Since then I have become a little more sane myself and realized that no, people are far from sane. At my current age in life I am fairly certain that unless you have been friends with this person all your life and find them sufficiently "icky" your immediate reaction (given that they are not completely repulsive) to meeting someone brand new of the opposite sex is "I wonder if I could get away with making out with them."
I don't know if it is because this is the age where half our friends are getting married and having babies, or because we are still running off the college adrenaline and want to screw everything. And by that I totally mean that we are at the peak of our animalistic fertility and have a longing desire to produce offspring. (ignore the college boning.)Something here has got to give though, either I just cant have friends that are guys until they forget I have breasts or I just need to continue to ignore their constant come ons or ridiculous insecurities due to them thinking I am the one trying to screw them.
So please boys and girls, do yourselves a favor. Don't flatter yourself, make friends first, and maybe you WILL find something and it wont be some superficial one night stand.

Time to stop listing, and time to start doing.

As it has almost been a year since I have even placed an entry into this lovely little realm of my world I figure I should start with a recap.
- Building I guess a career out of working at the airport.
- Living with mommydaddy to save money and hassle of the landlords
- Attempting to put a dent in my student loans
- Attempting to live life , be an adult, and break this depression

Other than that I have just started a few hobbies like Derby and I have a violin and a faux Blythe doll (blybe) in the mail. Hopefully this will start me having a life to my own and maybe bring in a few more dollars making things for the Blythe realm of the internet. I think I have decided that I no longer want to spend my time searching for the one and one day when I am in the path I am wanting to be in, if I find someone there next to me I will be happy. (and far more healthy than these lusty pitfalls everyones thinking is love.)


-VIXCKS