toris key to staying out of drama

rule number one ... if it isnt that big of a deal say fuckit and move on


so i asked mrs.greenwood and mrs.elliot if i could get recomnedations from them ... they said yes!! w337

umm ..... kailee made me beyond happy i just hope evrything works.. i dont liek messing with broken peices .. so we can hope...

I FOUND MY RAZOR BLADE!!yay! i was looking for this... ne way

i got my w2 from foodlion so its officially tax time and mommy is bringing us taco salads from chubbys!!!! super yay ...

well im tired and i feel liek finishing my bingo card for spanish so off i go !!

muah




vic

* sick of you *

so i uh ... took my patch off and put a new one on ... under where the patch was there now a line where the water got in and made a rash .... god im sexy! lol ... ne way now i put the new patch on my butt ... to prevent that shyt!! lol
im appling to scad.... mayeb ill be a jewlery designer or maker..... yea... that woudl kik asssssssssssssssssss

i drempt about ryan last nigth he came to va and i went to tell him hello and give him a big hug and kiss.. but i had morning breath ... *devistated* lol ... well im gonna go now i have work soon

chow baby!! lol

vic

*rubbing alcohol*

ok so tonight kiked ass.. im madly in love with novembers child... ja ... and every thign kikd madd ass ... until a couple was made and i got kinda sad... but then i got better and was happy and made some new friends.. and then i was just totally happy... then i got sung at by kent heheheh and everything was teh great ... i felt involved for once... vs the girl who hears about it mondai ... and then i do something stupid.. i ruin my attention and ask kent to do somethign ... (you wont know what it was if u wernt there and hed rather not talk about it so a) shut the fuck up and b) its none of ur god damn buisness...) he does it and goes in the other room im laughing my ass off ... every one knows.. but it was a small party so duh! ... and i walk into the other room and he gives me a funny look and wont touch me after wards,,.... heather tells me he said he regrets it and it was stupid.....
world comes crashing spinnign down ...
everythign changes i notice his arms around her more i notice those peopel smiling more.. i notice me alone....
MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

buuuut ... i will try and blame it on the hormones... i will think baout next year and how none of this will matter cuz a) i dont reallllly wanna date these people cuz ill be leaving ... and b) a whole new group of people to go to basement shows with and have fun ...
i miss people alreadi

i almost got a ride home with curtis... *wink* lol


im in so much hate with the world right now .. i wanna screammmmmmm ...
peopel think im stupid ..
people think i dont know who it is .. who trys to hurt me ...
whos only a little baby inside venting .. thinkning thier biga nd bad...
then tellign me they love me
and then the male speciese screwing me over in general ... saying ok .. if ur creepy and nasty and gross go stalk tori .. other wise pay her minimal attention then cling to her best freind... and make sure its the best friend with the bf and if u can help it make sure at least 5 other guys liek the same best friend...

i talked to anthony for liek the first time today ... hes cuter then i remeber him being ...

o well
i need to get him to sign my demo too ....


ok ..... too much estrogen

vic

dreamers often lie, in bed asleep while they dream the truth

* i see queen mab hath been with you *

last night i drempt about things
i drempt about ryan ... i was at an air port.. there was lots of people .. i was leaving from pa i had spent a week or so with my cousin and family at my grams house.. i was in the parking lot for the airport... i was very upset and relized that it was useless for me to be so stuborn and that i had to see ryan ( in my dreams i am a different person .. with a different life.... and it turns out the children i had in my dream life were ryans try and make sence of this) i went to talk to our mediator... she was holding 4 balloons .. they represented our children .. i was tryign tot tye them in a knot and make them neater i was even going to refil the helium .. they were 4 mylar balloons... two were brown .... i told the woman i needed to tell him iwas sorry and that i needed to see him to see if i was wrong and that i needed him back or what ... i was very sadd .. she told me to wait so i took the ballons and crossed part of the parking lot ... the cars started driving and i was stuck in the middle holding the balloons , i stood there and cried nad cried and cried....

it was a very upsettign dream

its been a very upsetting week ... i think i will start takign some st johns wart asap to alleiviate these moods ...

today in first period i was soo hyper .. i went to bed at 5 last night so i got plenty of sleep ... but i was bouncing around and not payign attention so i tended to screw up some durring our songs and warm ups... but he decided to have us try our solos.... im sick ... i sounded horendouse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my palms were sweatgin i got sooo nervouse.... i couldnt beleive myslef.. and i couldnt beleive this horrid sound was coming out of me ... mid way thru i got a scowl on my face and sat back finished my solo and just shy of spit on myself i was so disgusted.... so u can tell i was pissed... well i was kinda late leavign class.. i havnt been in much of a rush to leave classes latly.. no one to leave them for i guess.... i should get that looked at ... but i was leavign and i wa sliek mr scruggs!! im sick that wasnt fair!! he laughed and sayd its ok solos arnt gonna actually be up for a while and that he didnt relize i was sick ... so i walk out .. still hyper so i give the door frame a good kik and im out ... this one guy ... who hes been realy nice to me latly comeso ut right after me ..he stayd to get candy and he tells me i did ok today .. i thank him and he starts to talk about ow cold it is .... thinking about how nice this person is to me ... with out him knowing me at all ... with out him havign to know me forever to relize im an at least ok person ... it makes me smile inside sooo much ... i mean its all i can do not to blush and clam up ... but i liek it ... soo much
is this what its like to have some one totally random have a crush on you ???
not sayign that it is a crush ... but ?! i was never the girl people wanted to get to know ... im not thin im not that extreamly pretty ... im nothign that stands out to extreamly much ... my friedns with thier size 6 bodys and there perfect hair ... i guess... but maybe my parents are right .. maybe they only liked them cuz they seemed easy ...



fourth periods still my favorite period tho ... well minus the fact that it ends and i have to come home .. and the fact theres a teacher.... and retarded computers ok .... ne wai .. ryan made an anklet.... he asked me if its bad for guys to know how to brade..i love watchign boys braid they get so focused ... heheh theyre like little kids ... but i love it! lol .. i feel liek a proud mommy and her kids first drawing .... *giggle fits* ... i got invited to get high tonight .... yeeeeeea... no way to pull that one off.. i also got invited to go out for dinner and a movie with sarah ... mom told me to clean everythign ... and that ment bathrooms dustign vaccuming laundry and ... now my room .. but yea it was to late to go after all that mess... i was livid.. im getting these frustraded hopelessly pissed emotions back... this patch is worring me ... but i got pills .. itll be ok .. i even yelled .. liek yelled at morgan ... who btw is better!!!!!! yay ! i love him turn out his friend cameron is the same one i met before ... he told morgan i stare at him funny...... not my fault he looks very familiar and i have nothign better to do but look at people... lol ... but they should be coming to the dollar place to see me sometime!!! i hope they come tomarrow... i shoudl be able to go to davids party!!!! i mean kents bday party at davids house! lol .. ne waiiii .. im talkign to much but itso k i can think straigth for the first time in a while .. i watch switch blade.. it was interesting ...
i hope it doesnt get to bad weather wise.. there are certain peopel i would liek to see more... o and this is my public appology to kailee... i loooove you soo omuch and im soo sorry iw as being such a brat today ... monday i swear ill sit with you ... ( i love you more then him i promise heheh ) u didnt say anything btw did u ? j/w umm i loves you


ok immmm dooone go home!!

nyght

vic

so i guess this is to every one out there ... from ryan sorry its so long

From : Captain Morgan
Sent : Wednesday, January 26, 2005 5:41 AM
To : victoria_small@hotmail.com
Subject : Story I Wrote... (can u send this to jacki + ancel and whoever)

| | | Inbox


wrote this a while back...


Alright… story starts out with this shitty looking
house in a valley surrounded by other houses with farm
animals and garden stuff… every other house in the
valley looks big, modern, and expensive. This house
was used as a shed by the original house which
mysteriously burned down a few years back. The only
thing left now was the shed (house), tall grass, some
ducks, some chickens, rabbits, and a giant black spot
where the old house used to be.

The family who now lives in this house is a special
family… naturally there is a mom, a dad, two sons, a
daughter, a monkey slave, and any other character I
might add in when the story gets too lame.

I could make up some more shit about the history of
the family but I don’t feel like it right now so eat
shit… I will tell you the names of the characters but
Im sure I will change their names around lots so… eat
some more shit…


Okay… starts out as a typical summer morning, no
school, plenty of work to be done… You see a couple of
people working around the house planting stuff and
sheering things...
There is an over-weight middle aged man working on a
lawn mower in the driveway area There is a monkey with
a purple dress and diapers watering flowers in the
garden… There is also a middle aged lady with a
purple dress and diapers watering flowers…
One of the sons is chopping fire wood… the other is
doing drugs in the barn or something and… the daughter
is locked in her room cutting herself…
O yea… there is also the crazy grandpa who is on the
rooftop throwing a boomerang at birds and squirrels
and stuff… Im sure they have names but I guess we
will both find them out when I figure out how to start
this story… The monkeys name is Mary even though it’s
a boy… and the 1st son’s name is Donnie

….Okay I got it! Here we go













Chapter one-ish

Dad yells out, “Hey Donnie… get over here for a
second and help me out.” Donnie stops cutting
firewood and walks over to the lawn mower. “Okay
Donnie, were ganna push the tractor onto the back of
the trailer okay? Push!” “You wanna get off first
dad?” “I said push damnit. GO GO GO!!” Donnie starts
pushing the mower onto the trailer and ties it down…
Dad starts looking around and says, “Actually… why
don’t we push it to the top of the hill?” “What for!?”
“Just push damnit. GO GO GO!!” Donnie gets it untied
and takes it off the trailer.
“Dad, I cant push any farther.” Donnie’s legs start
wobbling trying to hold up the tractor. The dad puts
his legs off the steering wheel and sits up right.
“Are we moving backwards!? Damnit Donnie” Dad puts
the breaks on. “Now we have to push all the way up the
hill with the breaks on… I hope your happy.” The dad
puts his legs up again and relaxes himself. Donnie
shouts, “Where the hell did you get that lemonade!?”
Dad looks in his hand and has a full glass of ice and
lemonade with a little straw and umbrella sticking
out… “…Im not sure.. Maybe your mom brought it out” He
takes a sip “She couldn’t have, shes been by the house
the whole time” “Damnit Donnie, look, will you just
try and concentrate for a second… the tractor needs to
get to the top of the hill.. right..” Donnie gives him
a blank stare “Donnie… we only have about a quarter
mile to go okay” “ Uh... what do you mean “we” ive
been doing all the… WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THOSE
HEAD PHONES!!?” Dad looks down and sees he’s holding a
portable c.d. player. “Huh… that’s weird… I didn’t
know I owned a c.d. player” Dad takes another sip of
lemonade. “Okay Donnie breaks over lets get back to
work” “Can I have a sip of lemonade first” Dad sighs
“You can when you get to the top of the hill, okay?”
Donnie starts pushing again with his legs trembling
all fast and stuff. They finally get to the top of the
hill. Dad sits up and says “Hey! awlright we made it!
Now push me down.” Donnie looks at his dad with his
jaw hanging. “Donnie your not looking so hot.. maybe
you should drink some lemonade.” Dad hands over the
glass. Donnie takes it and says, “There’s nothing left
in here.” “Theres a few ice cubes, you can eat those.”
Donnie throws the glass on the ground. Dad sits up
right and holds onto the steering wheel with both
hands “Okay lets go… Push Donnie!” The dad takes the
breaks off and Donnie starts pushing Dad down the
hill. “WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!”
The tractor rolls all the way down to the driveway
hits the trailer and jumps it onto the roof of the
house, the grandpa freaks and starts hitting dad with
the boomerang. “Damnit Pops… HEY.. stop hitting me
with that!” Dad grabs the boomerang from grandpa and
chucks it into the air… of course it comes back and
grandpa catches it and does a back flip. “Hey Donnie!
… Help your grandpa get the lawn mower off the roof
would ya?” Donnie collapses and rolls down the hill
and skids into the driveway.. Dad jumps off from the
roof and walks over to him. “Donnie help pops get the
mower onto the trailer kay..” Dad drops his
handkerchief on Donnie. “You should wipe that foam off
your mouth before your mother sees okay”


Donnie woke up a few hours later to the chickens
pecking at his eyes. He woke up and started screaming.
Him screaming made the chickens scream. The chickens
screaming made grandpa scream. So grandpa threw the
boomerang at Donnie and once again Donnie became
unconscious. Another few hours later he woke up to
what sounded like gunshots by the river. He got up
and started stumbling towards the river. The sound
wasn’t gunshots but fire crackers.
It was the next door neighbor kid Jason. Donnie
asked, “Dude, what are you doing?” Jason was throwing
some cherry bombs in a small hole. “I’m trying to get
these friggin hobbits to come outside. I might have to
resort to some M-80s. You here that you friggin
trolls!?” Jason shouted into the hole. “How’d you
like a quarter stick of dynamite up your ass!?” a
voice came from the small hole. “We’d like to see you
try, and were not trolls you racist bastard.” Donnie
looked at Jason and said “What the hell was that?”
“They’ve been in there all day.” “Who’s voice was
that… what did you put your little brother in there or
do you have walky talkys or what?” Jason looked at him
funny “No dude there hobbits, now be quite and help me
catch them.”
The voice came from the hole again “If you don’t piss
off we will throw magic acorns at you which will turn
you to stone!” Jason put his head by the door and
yelled, “You stole that from willow you unoriginal
dwarf wanna-bes.” “We’re hobbits you butt licker.”
Donnie grabbed Jason and said “Seriously dude, who’s
doing that.” Jason pulled out a lighter and said, “If
you don’t believe me stick your head in and look.”
Donnie took the lighter and layed down and put his
head in the hole. All he saw was what looked like a
tube, than a spark and pop sound came out of it.
“OW!! Son Of A Bitch!” Donnie held his hand on his
neck. He heard the hobbits laughing. “They freakin
shot me!” Jason smiled, “Oh yea I forgot to mention
they stole my air rifle. That’s why ive been after
them all day, tryin to get it back.” The hobbits
shouted out, “Oh is that what you wanted, come back
down and we will give it back to you.” Jason got a
pissed off look on his face and said, “I’m not falling
for that again, you gnome ass holes.” “We’re not
gnomes you racist prick!” Jason looked at Donnie. “I’m
getting really sick of these little bastards. I
reached in there earlier and they handed me a dildo.
These are some perverted hobbits man.” “Yea I noticed
that on the ground… I wasn’t ganan say anything.”
Donnie started rubbing his neck some more. “Okay
Jason.. honestly man, what the hells goin on.. who’s
in that hole.” The hobbits answered, “Well there’s
us, your mom, your girlfriend, your sister.. the
camera guy, a donkey..” Donnie put his head by the
hole again. “Shut the hell up you little smart ass’s,
trust me, you don’t want me to come in there.” “We’re
not little, as your sister.” The hobbits started
imitating a girls voice and said some pretty vulgar
things about a size of something and an uncomfortable
spot of where its been put.
Donnie reached his hand inside and started flaring his
arm around. Donnie quickly pulled his hand out and
screamed. “Jesus they freaking bit me!” he looked
inside again. “I’m ganna knock your….” Before he could
finish the spark and pop sound went off again. Donnie
flew backwards and put his hands over his face. The
hobbits were laughing hysterically.



Jason came over. “Stop rolling Donnie, let me take a
look at it.” Donnie moved his hands. “Holy crap dude,
right between the eyes.” “Oh dude it really hurts.”
“You know Donnie that was a pretty good shot… it kinda
reminds me of the chick from no doubt.” Donnie gave
Jason an appalled look. “Remember.. that Just A Girl
video, with the chick..” “I know Jason, Gwen Stephanie
thank you.” The hobbits butted in saying, “Oh hell
yea, I love that chick… She’s in here too, she’s
helping your grandma with the donkey.”
Donnie got all twitchy and said, “that’s it,”
sarcastically laughing “I’m getting the hose.” “Donnie
relax, like they could really get a donkey in there.”
“Damnit, I hate you Jason, why did I come over here.”
“Hey, don’t get pissed at me.. its these gremlin jerk
offs.” “We’re not gremlins either you racist dick
hole.” Donnie just started laughing and turned
around. “This….. I’m going home man.” “Cmon Donnie I
need your help.” Donnie turned around again and
started walking backwards. He was saying something to
Jason and tripped over a rock. The hobbits started
laughing hysterically again. Donnie rushed over to
the hole and stuck his middle finger up. “Screw you,
you freakin elfs.” The hobbits shot his middle finger.
Donnie stood up and held his hand where there was now
a bite mark and bullet wound. The hobbits were now
laughing uncontrollably. “We… We… We’re not hobbits.”
Both were giggling even louder now. “I mean were..
we’re not Elves we’re…” They couldn’t finish there
sentence.
Donnie started pacing around and said to himself,
“Gahd what else could happen today?” He heard his
grandpa scream, “Heads up!” Donnie got hit in the side
of the head with the boomerang and fell to the river
making a big splash. “STOP STOP!” the hobbits were
now screaming. “PLEASE… we cant… I cant breath..”
more giggling… Jason turned towards the hole and
said, “Just shut up you little Jews.” The hobbits
completely stopped laughing and there was dead
silence. Even the river stopped flowing and the
grandpa’s boomerang stopped in mid-air. “Did you just
call us “Jews”?” The hobbits whispered to each other
for a while, Jason glanced at the frozen boomerang
with a very confused look on his face. “That’s not
cool man.. We should come out there and kick your ass
for that.” The rifle sprung out from the hole. The
hobbits grumbled a little. “You didn’t need to push it
to that level man, it was just a joke.”
Jason shook his head. “What!? What did I say?” he
turned to Donnie. One of the hobbits came out of the
hole and pointed at Jason. “If you don’t leave right
now I’m calling the police.” He looked over at Donnie.
“and you… your sister is welcome here anytime.” A
giggle came from the hole and the hobbit walked back
with a slight grin on his face. Jason started, “Wait I
still don’t understand..” “Shut-up you neo-nazi son of
a bitch.” The hobbit pulled out four acorns and
started throwing them at Jason.. one hit a tree stump
and turned it into stone, the other hit Jason’s shoe,
another hit an innocent squirrelly bystander, the
other one hit a big rock and… nothing really
happened.” Jason stood frozen. “What the hells
happening to my shoe.” The hobbit inside the hole
yelled out, “The cops are on their way right now
ass-hole.” Jason looked at his feat and said, “Damnit
man these are my favorite pair.”






Jason and Donnie heard sirens, they both took off…
well Donnie did but Jason was struggling trying to
drag himself home with a 60 pound concrete boot on his
leg. He fell over and the hobbit rushed over and
took his wallet. A cop car pulled up and dust flew all
over Jason. A bunch of cops walked by Jason. Jason
pointed at the hobbits and said, “He just stole my
wallet...” One of the cops stood right over him and
said with an Irish accent, “Sir, there is no need to
be using that kind of language.” “…What English?” “Oh
we have a smart mouth do we.” One of the other cops
walked up to the Irish dude and said something to him
in a low voice. “Sir do you have a permit for that
gun.” “It’s a BB gun!” “…Sir, I would watch that lip
if I was you.” Jason pulled out his lip and looked
down on it. “This kid just doesn’t get it.” The cop
shook his head. “Did you threaten the residence of
this home and call them Anti-Semitic names?” “What
Jews.” The cop gave Jason a very serious look. “You
see that star right there.” He pointed to the blue
star on the side of the car. “That there represents
the star of Daniel.” Jason looked at the star and
said, “Don’t you mean the star of David?” “Awlright
that’s it smart ass!” The officer grabbed the
petrified squirrel and started beating Jason with it…
The other officers joined in with their batons, and
the hobbits surrounded him jumping up and down
cheering and using him as a bathroom.

*close your eyes and i'll kiss you *

ok ... well after my last post i sort of just bummed out ... ryan came over tot alk to me .. it made me happy.. but the bell was about to ring... he lives near main gate .. and some how thinks he knows where i live.... hmmmm ( a little confused) .. but theni m on the bus... and tyler and that one kid he's always with start hiting me on my boobs and but with a vocab book every time i turn my head.... and i yell at tyler and soem how he ends up sayign i was just pointing out the fact you have huge knockers (hehe) and i pull open my jacket look down and say why yes .. yes i do ... then turned around and went on my way .... boys can be sooo dumb!
but then morgan gets a letter from a girl ... i have no clue .. all i know is he is really upset right now.... and i just wangt him to be better..... i feel so bad he woudlnt even look at me.......

but any way .. im deffinitly trying to aceive something i dont think i can have .. *pouts* .. this blows.. but idunno ... maybe ill get some where... but im nto sworn much ... *le sigh*

whining time overrrrrrrrrr

vic

mother fucker

ok so im in fourth .. everything .. is decent i got my college stuff in ... yay!
sept person ... i dont think person likes me any more ..

there are some people in this class that just all around suck asssssss

im so sad...
george isnt here....
and person...
damnit person ...
LOOK AT ME





VIC

i guess it owuld eb nice if i could touch your body i know that every body has a body liek me but i gotta thinks twice before i give my heart away

*jams out to limp biscut*
*looksup*
*hides self*

lol

last night i stayed up late and talked to hayley ... got sicker and finished one necklace and made another... yay! i feel so acomplished... my brain is very fuzzy right now... wich is pissing me off cuz its all around makeing me slower..... and i forget what im sayign .. damnit!

i told mommy i need thin hemp ... maybe she will love me and buy me some... tonight we have to get the fafsa shyt done.... and today i have to turn in my applications... i wonder if i will be in third much ...

i hope i will ... it shoudlnt take too long to get my stuff dune... but we also have a short period... *sigh*

well off to make myself not look as sick as i feel , got 2 hours lol

adios amor

vic

mermaid nailllls!!

so far we only have a two hour delay tomarrow... so i migth actually get to see every one tomarrow.. i certainly hope so!

im so excited i got stuff for hether hayley flint and george...

i deffintly cant stay up till 1 again tonight ...

um ... yea no one is online right now ... so im just that bored.. maybe ill tell you a story



yea a story.. here ya go


her mind sort of shimmers... she can feel his intrest from across the room , she walks to the door to throw something away .. " hey " he quickly spits out at her .. shes a little suprised that he pays her this much attention ... hi .. whats up ? ... " nothing you shoudl come over here and talk to me " ... she beams on the inside... sure ill be right back ... she comes over and they talk .. they make eye contact.. he makes her feel real again .. real and slightly admired.. its a drug .. the bell rings and they leave .. but it happens again ... the drug turns out to be addictive... her head spins... her thoughts havnt been clear ... she has no idea what she wants or what to do ....

she awaits her time with him .. she looks out to window ... little did she know the grey sky would cause the blur of colors spining in her head to fall to a black for the next week ...

drugs are every where




not my best bois and girls .. but a) its been a while and b ) the good stuff hasnt happend yet


muahhh kiddies

vic

cuz i can spell konfusion with a k and i liek it

im in my room belting out my konstantine by something corporate.. professing my undyeing love for the world in the comfort and privacy of my room ... screaming .... did u knwo i miss you ?

wow ... dreams are odd

ok so i was dreaming we were goign on our senior trip .. we were takign cars and car pooling all the way down .. i was so happy cuz hayley sarah and jennifer were gonna let me ride with them ... but i was gettign in the car and relized my fone was dead and i forgot the charger... so i was trying tot hink of who else had a virgin phone .. and miles did .. so i went to the top of the hill to ask him and he was being really nice and it wasnt really miles it was a mix of him and this kid named roach and prolly some one else.. but i was leik hey do u have your charger and he was like yea sure u can use it the minute we get there and he was being totally nice... i looked at him and was liek omg are you on x? and he smiled huge and nodded i giggled at him and asked if he wanted a hug .. soi hugged him ... like really hugged him ... liek i havnt hugged any one in a long time.. like just stood there... and hugged .. and it was almost liek i was usign him .. or more or less takign him under my wing cuz he was on drugs... but im sad now .. because i really just need to be held... its been a rough past while .. and there is not exactly some oen there for me to fall back on and relax with ...

well ill quit my whining

vic

*pushes glasses up the bridge of her nose*

omg .. check this out

hey im at the library ... ll ive always wanted to say that .. but i never use the computers at the library .. any way .. ive been here since 12... 4 and a half hours! and im not even near done ... sooo yea... turns out there is absolutly no books in this place that have anythign to do with my topic... which reallllllly sucks... i got a total of four books... 4!!!!! ive been here for that many hours! .. omg... but yea
i feel better since last night .... sorry for the spasm
george i bought u something!!!! i cant wait to give it to you ... hopefully you will get it tomarrow!
thnk you so much for helping me feel better last night
i got heather and flint stuff too!! yay! oo and of course i got myself a bunch of buttons earings and ... o! i got a cherry pin for me and liz! yay! ooo i got more smints.. peach .. heavenly
but yea

my dad had to go to work at liek 1030 ... so ive been here.... since then ... i went to the mall ... on a monday mornign at 1030... it was dead as hell ... troy said hi to me but i was half asleep and angry .. and sick .. damnit why did i get sick .. grr on mommy!

but yes...... i should prolly try to find some journals to use for reaserch on my paper.. arnt you just sooo jelouse that i get to graduate govners school ? lol dont be this project is a bitch and a half!

i love you guys sooo mucho grande much



vic

why do i do this to mysefl

me and ryan have been apart for over 5 mtnhs...
im sittign here listeing to third eye blind... looing up the lyrics to deep inside of you
im bawling my eyes out ..
hes the only person i really connected with .. no one else ver seems real to me .. or part of me .. i dont know if its because i was with him so long and i dont memeber any thign else.. or if it was real .. but right now i dunno if its cuz im so tired or the hormones or what .. but i really just miss it .. i want to be able to sneak out and go huggle and cuddle and kiss on my back porch ... i want some oen to compleat me ..

but i dont
i dont want some one thier i dont want ryan cuz ryan has nothign for me ...

why the fuck am i cryign !?!!?!?

im this close to breakign out his sweat shirt...

im sure it doesnt help the fact that ryan is a huge part of my life that all the shyt he has givin me still lives around my room .....


i prolly just need sleep so i can wake up and be liek tori ur so stupid and hormonal sometimes.. why would u ever cry over him !? u dont want him .. u dont need him ... why on earth were u upset?!

so im fine... i think ...
but cryign my fuckign eyes out

i lvoe you


tori

i know im postign lyrics.. and thats bad . but this one embodies me and ryans thign ..sept im stronger now then i used to be

Third Eye Blind
Deep Inside Of You

When we met, light was shed
Thoughts free flow
You said you've got something
Deep inside of you

A wind chime voice sound
Sway of your hips round rings true
It goes deep inside of you

These secret garden beams
Changed my life, so it seems
A fall breeze blows outside
I don't break stride, my thoughts are warm
And they go deep inside of you
Oh yeah

And I never felt alone, alright
Oh oh, till I met you

Friends say I've changed
I don't listen 'cuz I live to be
Deep inside of you

Slide of her dress
Shouts in darkness, I'm so alive
I'm deep inside of you

You said, "boy make girl feel good"
But still, deep inside
Still

I've never felt alone
Till I met you
I'm alright on my own
And then I met you
And I'd know what to do
If I just knew what's coming

I would change myself if I could
I'd walk with my people if I could find them
And I'd say that I'm sorry to you
I'm sorry to you

And I don't want to call you
But then I want to call you
'Cuz I don't want to crush you
But I feel like crushing you, and it's true
I took for granted you were with me
I breathe by your looks and you look right through me

But we were broke and didn't know
We were broke and didn't know
We were broke and didn't know
We were broke and didn't know

Something's gone, you withdraw
And I'm not strong like before
I was deep inside of you

I can go nowhere
I burn candles and stare
At a ghost deep inside of you

And some great need in me
Starts to bleed
I've lost myself, there's nothing left
It's all gone
Deep inside of you
Deep inside of you
Deep inside of you

i miss last year

Third Eye Blind
Slow Motion

Mrs jones taught me english
but i think i just shot her son
cuz he owed me money
with a bullet in the chest you cannot run

Now he's bleeding in the vacant lot
the one in the summer where we used to smoke pot
i guess i didnt mean it
but man you should of seen it
his flesh explode

Slow motion see me let go
we tend to die young
slow motion see me let go
what a brother knows
slow motion see me let go

now the cops will get me
but girl if you would let me
i'll take your pants off
i got a little bit of blow we could both get off

later, bathing in the afterglow
two lines of coke i cut with drano
and her nose starts to bleed
a most beautiful ruby red

slow motion see me let go
we'll remember these days
slow motion see me let go
urban life decay,
slow motion see me let go

and i dont, my sisters eating paint chips again
maybe thats why she's insane
i shut the door to her moaning
and i shoot smack in my veins, wouldnt you

see my neighboors beating his wife
because he hates his life
theres a knock to his fist as he swings
oh man what a beautiful thing
as death slides close to me, wont grow old to be
a junkie wino creep

hollywood glamourized my wrath
i'm a young urban psychopath
i incite murder for your entertainment
cause i needed the money, whats your excuse
the jokes on you

slow motion see me let go,
oh yeah
slow motion see me let go
aaaaiiii
slow motion see me let go

grayraynebowz: and did he eat teh bunnieS?!

theres a patch on my tummy.. its fun to poke .. and rub ...
im gonna od on the pill from messing with this sucker lol

best hair day ever.. to bad im goign to bed now ...

no school tomarrow... sucks this much *holds out arms*
garrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

im going to bed...

night

vic

x i love bryan x

grayraynebowz: welllll
grayraynebowz: what do u think ?
IamBryanFellows2: iono
IamBryanFellows2: don't pay enough attention
grayraynebowz: ur so obliviouse
IamBryanFellows2: maybe not, just don't watch you and your lover hah
IamBryanFellows2: :-P
grayraynebowz: omy
IamBryanFellows2: but if you want i can
IamBryanFellows2: i can keep a very close eye on you two
grayraynebowz: ?!
IamBryanFellows2: watch every touch
grayraynebowz: omy
grayraynebowz: thats scary


ok so today .. i got up .. got clothed .. showered... the like .. my boss called and was leik um .. were gonna stay closed . i dont want ur dad driving ... so i do a little happy dance.. then i get back to my computer and ansel asked if we could go get lunch .. so we go get lunch ... wich was nice.. then i come home and we go rigth back to the grill .. lol ... then go to foodlion .... i got my bars and some gum ... no magazine today *sad* ... it had my chemical romance tabs in it!! *mondo pout* ... and then i came home .. played this totally out there game with michael .. somethign japanese .... u roll a ball around and make it bigger ... i dunnnnno but it was kewl .. and uh .. now i think i will go eat some ice cream


muuuuuuah babes!

vic

so any way

so last night we ate at this sanwich joint... it was very collegey ...
which got me thinking ... mm .. college
*dream waves*
i wish i was in college .. itd be so much cooler then oevr dramatic immature bullshyt high school
*end dream waves*
*sigh*
so i go home go to sleep ... feelign totally different cuz im goign on the patch and i have work and i feel very organized in my brain abotu brvgs...

get up and go to work
get off early because the horrid sleet ...
bounce int ot he house and coo and yell gibberish at heidi ...
go to hang my dads coat up and michale squeeks and shoves an envelope at me

big envelope...
little nitny lion in the corner...

congratulations printed across the bottom

u can hear me squeeling from mars!



i got in , im goign to psu damnit!!!!!!



love ya

vic

disco bloodbath

i finally got to watch monster party... wow... i reallly liked it but im also the kind of person who fell head over heals for requiem for a dream ....
it reminded me of the kandie kiddies ..a nd the ravers ... and it made me sad because of all the drugs... i dont know why .. but .. yea
go ask alice made me sad with all her drugs too

drugs just worrie me
im ment to be a mom arnt i ?
but then i dont understand how i end up datign all these druggies


ok so todai i went to the doctor.. not exactly a pleasent experience.... (pelvic exam and ill leave it at that )
but i am getting put on the birth control patch *yay for tori* i get to be kewl with a patch on my tummy ... so i can get thin and show it off with see thru thongs ... like the girls in the comercials .. lol .. speaking of! i went to old navy .. thier having moster sale and i got liek 5 shirts.. like 97 cents a peice.. i bought a black and pink fleece messanger bag and a white fleece pullover .. and a few pairs of underwear! one has rainbows and another has hearts! im so excited .. im addicted to cute underwear .. heheheh e... ok

next! ....
i so have work at 9 am .. so im gonna play freecell till i pass out !

muuuuuuuuah

vic

*long list of words totally inaporpriate*

pennstate has reached a decision about my application and i shoudl be receiveing somethign in the mail tellign em wether i got in or not ...

they decided the 18th ...
so any day now

mom says prolly monday
im going to explode!


sooooo scared!
i want to get intot his school more than anythign


vic

*history of sonic* (another reason why flint is my favorite )

AngryMohawkDwarf: ah, i am sitting around playing old videogames
grayraynebowz: sounds like fun
grayraynebowz: i might do that too
AngryMohawkDwarf: i went over to chris's house last night. we were playing an old sega
grayraynebowz: that was my plan!
grayraynebowz: lol
grayraynebowz: i love my sega
AngryMohawkDwarf: kick ass! what games did you have for it?
grayraynebowz: like all sonics
AngryMohawkDwarf: koo
grayraynebowz: beauty and the beast micky the lil mermaid some racing gmae ren and stimpy ..... mortal kombat i think
grayraynebowz: ... did i have ....
grayraynebowz: i still have it
AngryMohawkDwarf: you have ren and stimpy????
grayraynebowz: yup
AngryMohawkDwarf: ...i love you *misty eyed tears*
grayraynebowz: heheheh
AngryMohawkDwarf: i have the first sonic and tails, mega turakan, echo the dolphin and aladdin
grayraynebowz: echo sounds familiar
AngryMohawkDwarf: its fun if you can figure out the F^*^(*(*& buttons
AngryMohawkDwarf: the book aviods telling you at all costs what any of the buttons do
grayraynebowz: lol
grayraynebowz: u shoudl lemme borrow it sometime
grayraynebowz: hahahahh
grayraynebowz: i just asked to borrow a sega game
grayraynebowz: peopel are trading ps2 games ...
grayraynebowz: and im so stuck in the 90s ive never even used a ps2
AngryMohawkDwarf: i hate ps2
AngryMohawkDwarf: i love my xbox and my gamecube is my baby
grayraynebowz: lol
grayraynebowz: never used any of them
grayraynebowz: i started to use n64s.....
grayraynebowz: i dont liek 3d games
grayraynebowz: i fall of the cliffs
AngryMohawkDwarf: hahahaha! 2d side scrollers were were its at
grayraynebowz: yes!
AngryMohawkDwarf: i still think we are creepily similar
grayraynebowz: u will
grayraynebowz: forever
grayraynebowz: i promise
grayraynebowz: and one day our kids
grayraynebowz: who will also me similar
grayraynebowz: will meet
grayraynebowz: and be totally creeped out
grayraynebowz: and think its a good idea to date
grayraynebowz: then relize it isnt
grayraynebowz: and they will be best friends forever
grayraynebowz: and my kid ... will tell ur kid this exact thing
AngryMohawkDwarf: .....my kid will sell your kid acid
grayraynebowz: *squeels*
grayraynebowz: yay!
AngryMohawkDwarf: sonic was a great game
grayraynebowz: absolutly
AngryMohawkDwarf: it didn't have a deep or complicated story
grayraynebowz: save the bunnies!
grayraynebowz: thats deep!
grayraynebowz: lol
grayraynebowz: and kill that fat ass hole
grayraynebowz: slightly complicated
AngryMohawkDwarf: sonic didn't have a vendetta to solve. he didn't have revenge to bring about. he didn't have a horrible past to run away from...he just had to save the bunnies
grayraynebowz: like howd he get so fat
grayraynebowz: and did he eat teh bunnieS?!
AngryMohawkDwarf: hehehe
grayraynebowz: *giggle fits*
AngryMohawkDwarf: maybe
grayraynebowz: thats why u had to save the bunnies
grayraynebowz: so he woudlnt have ne thign to eat and he woudl starve to death and blow away
grayraynebowz: and problem solved
grayraynebowz: maybe dr robotnic was really sonics daddy
grayraynebowz: or maybe sonic was once one of the bunnies
grayraynebowz: and he is lookifg for vengance....
grayraynebowz: ooo
grayraynebowz: i like that one ... ok this is how it goes ..
grayraynebowz: once long ago .. sonic was a bunnie for dr botnic .. when he was still thin and hapy .. and sonic was the head bunnie thign ..
grayraynebowz: but one day he noticed other creatures missing ... and dr botnic getting fatter...
grayraynebowz: and one day he walked in on dr robotnic hunched over a twitching bloody bunnie and sonic yelped and ran away
grayraynebowz: only to relize he wasnt like all the other bunnies
grayraynebowz: because he was the favorite dr botnic had givin him special powrs at birth and now he had to save all his other friends... and avenge thier siblings deaths ..
grayraynebowz: and kill dr robotnic
AngryMohawkDwarf: wait, you remember the bunnie chick from sonic?
grayraynebowz: the end
AngryMohawkDwarf: she was hot, heh, i'd eat that bunnie
grayraynebowz: eek
grayraynebowz: !!
grayraynebowz: no i dont memebr her!
AngryMohawkDwarf: sonic is a hedgehog not a bunnie
grayraynebowz: hes one of the creatures
grayraynebowz: duh
grayraynebowz: keep up
AngryMohawkDwarf: lmao
AngryMohawkDwarf: i'm trying!!!
grayraynebowz: lol
grayraynebowz: i liek my story
AngryMohawkDwarf: bunnie was hot

i smell liek 50 dollar green apples

touch your lips just so
i know
in your eyes love
it glows so
im bare boned and crazy for you
ah .. when you come crash into me

baby



mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...... dave mathews might really be and ass hole but you can not deny his music!

o if ive gone over board then im beging you to forgive me o and my haste and im holding you so close to me ....

so yea .. good mood .. we got outta school early today ... which woudl have been awsome .. if i didnt have some important things to do! .... if we had 4th period for liek half an hour i woudl have been better.. but no ! .... and the snow will be gona by morning and we will all have to go back to school ... damnit!!!!!

i need to get this college shyt done! ... now!!!!!!


ok well i have to do laundry first then ill stress later!


muah


vic

make matters worse

ok so .. its to late to apply to jmu ... im compleatly broken hearted... and scared that i wont be able to get into college.... so im applying to longwood...

im deffinitly in a case of like ... and i dont knwo if i liek it ... nothign is the same since ryan .... everythign just feels more... it has to be worth it to try ... but im the kind of person who wants it to be whimsical and lovey dovey and kissy face hugles ... but totally seriouse ... file your taxes togetehr go out and have conversations over coffee... stuff... but how can i want both !?!?! .... i dunno ... but i think im in like .... im not sure .. i hate how i feel liek im always the exception .. like no one is alloud to liek me back .....

*head explodes*

ignore my frustrated spastic rants... i only ment some of it

nyght

vic

uh .. this blows

ok so i was gonna come one here and ramble on about how people make me so happy sometimes.... and ... yea . how i was having so much fun in fourth .. and how george is in there now .. and .. just how gennerally happy i am

so heres the catch ...

the awsome report card i thought i was gonna be gettign .. turns out to be 2 c's and 2 b's...... *heart broken!*

so now i get to mope and kiss ass... this is gonna blow...

in the mean time i thought id make a point abotu hwo i love making new friends....


*half hearted*
muah


vic

un breakable

so mali just left.. im talkign to heather right now .. and i made a mistake of calling ethan earlier .. so he called back just a little bit ago .. i emani dont want him to hate me .. btu i dont feel liek being on the fone 247 .. i really dont liek being so .. glued into someo en .. unless i can actually see them ..a nd go do things and have fun .. boy friend or friend boy either way ... sorry im so damn picky but lifes to short not to say fuck you i want it my way .. i wont be your welcome mat .. go to hell ... baisicly ...

um ....

i cant get my cell fone to get messages from aim ... *sad* ... thats ok tho ..

brian molko is very beautiouse...
specially in make up ..

im so bored i dont have anythgint o say and this makes me angry .. and ... i feel annoyign so i will go listen to my old mix cd .. from songs that were old when i made it in liek 2000...... so yea




*indie*

vic

tori is alllllllwais cute

ok so yes.. i forgot to give jeffer her happy borthday post so

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY JEFFER!!!!!!


heheh i love her

her partyu was kewl im glad to get out of my house .. especially when a couple days later michael decides to go out and i get to have a mali spend the night ... we watched the villiage .. i shoudl kik ryan for telling me it sucked .. and i should also kik him for seeing it with out me .. he saw it with kris and i forgot that and he was liek hahaah yea he saw that with me ... i saw kris the other day at the grill .. his hair is allllll gone but hes still cute so no frets... um .. yea its time for breakfast ... adios!!!!!!!




muah


vic

maybe im a a lebian after all (teheheh)

ok so last night i drempt i went to pennsylvania with governeers school ... and whiel iw as on the bus we passed the dmv so we took a stop and i asked them if it was required to take behind the wheel in pa and they said no and that i might as well wait cuz when i get into psu i can just get my license up there.... it was liek they were affiliated with psu and they knew i was gonna get in .. so then were at the mall and i was with some guy and he was trygint ot tell me who he liked .. and i was thinking about calling some one or something .. and yea so we find this room and its a room to check out what the college has written about ur application ( psu of course) and turns out the whole brvgs applied ... and hayleys had liek a million smily faces on it and so did kailees i think .. so i tried to get myne up but before i got to the page i started tryign to ask this girl if she was the one i met in london .. sept she started to do liek a strip tease and put on this dress that ud see on a huge breasted girl in a video game ... so iwas stuck staring .. and tryign to ask while she just laughed at me .. and woudlnt listen ... then she said somethign abotu how she liekd kailee and iw as slightly jelouse... over both of em .. but yea.... it was a wierd dream




*le sigh*



vic

*heart*

well .. i went to jeffers 18th bday party last night ... it was great i met lee ... (sp) ... shes really nice .. and um lets see .... anonymouse is gone ... or shoudl i say an0nym0use ...... can ya say dork .. and btw i never even asked any of my friends to post a single one of my comments.. dont ya wish you had friends liek that ..... well keep wishing cuz sittign in a basement with ur eyes all red from staring at the screen for 20 hrs straight wont get cha any ... so go have fun .. tourment away ... no one will ever be that affected by you .. they might be slightly concerned that you could be some axe welding psycho path .. but other wise youre only a misquito ... but o well .. peopel liek you never learn and then u die ... alone ..... ja

well im running ona a slight obsesion so i wont bore you and i ll go write storys in my head ... cuz i tend to change my mind fast so its not worth postign who i like now ...


muahhhhhh baby cakes!

*wink* "-.0"

vic

cuz christmas is liek solstice

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!!

cuz im on the in and out

i got the best hook up for new music .. maybe ill tell you abotu it some time in june .. but untill then u have to find every good up and coming band for your self .. cuz kailee loves me .. and tells me .. and not you

look alive bright eyes .... keep a look out .. ull regret not doing so



muah
vic

kailee luvs me*

*wiggles hips* ... im in such a good mood latly .. its deffinitally the weather ... we picked out dresses for choir .. thier realy cute .. there gonna be red with empire waists and a ruffle up the side of the skirt ... i think we might accent the empire waist with a black ribbon ( my idea) and have black character shoes .. hheheh yay i love kailee back ! ... but yes .. character shoes .. were starting to go over the song fame btu we sound so dull btu i was totally drained so it might just be thart were all so tired and not full of rock and roll jazz voices ... ha .. but yes it might also have to do wirth the fact i was surrounded by sopranos and ... they soem times just dont have that quality to thier voices .. i lvoe preciouse to death but she sounds better wiht r and b and ... more high pitched centered clasical music ? l.. lol ..//// /... //.. ... but yes i shoudl try and find out how im gonna do this paper ... but i dont feel liek it so im here... but yes .. any way tomarrow were gonna read over a grease medoly .. im so excited i like this call a lot better then the one i had when i was in tenth grade the people are less stuck up .... its was really irritating ... today we had to take measurements to order dresses ..... im the biggest bust size by like ... and inch and a half and the biggest butt size by about the same .. i didnt even look at the waist size cuz i think i was liek 37 and some of the girls were liek 23 ... it doesnt bother me that much .. cuz they had itsy boobs and features and looked sooooo thin so if anythign i felt better about ymself cuz im not that much bigger then these girls i was insanely jealouse .. they were sooooo tiny ... so yea im havign a good day .. plus im ragging so im all puffy so it doesnt matter im actually smaller next week then i am now ... well not if i keep eating this junk food .. i found some chocolate yesterday and i have to force myself not to eat it all in one shot ... ill be good i promise but i eat it liek its a drug that ll stop cramps .. lol ... but i kept up on my sit ups and i m gonna do fifty more tonight .. i cant feel it as much as i usta be able too .... that sucked cuz we went out to williamsburg and i was sore as a mother! lol ... ok im done for now ill prolly be back


* im gonna live forever
im gonna learn how to fly .. high ..
im gonna make it to heaven ..


fame*



muuuuah

vic

i cant read yoru roaming eyes

omg.......... my ass is dragging ...
i forgot how the first day im bounching off the walls and energy to the max and then it hits me liek a ton of bricks ... i have a constant head ache and im exhausted ..... i coudl feel my stomach being a litle sore form my sit ups yesterday so i just did 50 more... im hoping it doesnt hurt as bad as it did last time so i can keep them up ... hmmm ..... skinny thoughts.. lol

well off to dashboard confesional dreams....

*kiss me hard cuz this might be the last time that i let you *

*scrambles for the ibruprofen *

sigh ...

vic

*super tripple points*

omg .... im in sucha good mood

dare you to even try and ruin it !

lol kailee super awsomely good news ... u dont have to push me down the stairs!!!!!!

yayayayay

i passed my govt class with a b and i passed my physics class with a b!!!! score!!!


im so excited.. this will be a good week ..

but im really got and crampy right now so i think i will go lay down or clean or somethign hormonal..... i get wierd when i rag ... i either clean every thign or write a lot .. lol



caio baby!

vic

"pucca" funny love

im waiting for kailee to come back .. i miss her lol ..

* memo to sel* put the application confirmation sheet in you back pack * ******* rememmememememememeber


but any way im so fuckign bored right now i cant wait to go home .. i want to go to sleep ....... im wearing hayleys shoes! lol ... i loves her! .. but yes .. peopel in this class can be very retarded... ansel is wierd some time s... i want his shirt he wore yesterdai it had bob ross on it and it said happy little tree... i usta watch him with ym dad and it made me smiel inside .. ja! ne waiii ... i dont have much to say but i reall y like this key board .... i wrote mali bvack .. i found out i got a b in both physics and government im so excited .. i woudl eb on honor role to sept i have a c .. by one fuck ign point in prob and stats .. gggggrrrrrrrr .. ..bryan says i type funny and i think he misses kailee too ... hahahahahahah a.... poor kailee ... she is verrrry beautiouse.... ansel said dont talk about my mom ....... hahahahahahahah i love this .. im so done for now im tlakign pointlessnesss





muah


vic

kiss me hard cuz this might be the last time that i let you

well now that that has gotten pointless and i have been mentally eaten out by a compleat stranger or a good friend .. im not sure i doubt i will ... cuz yea .. peopel are pointless.. tiem to get back ontrack


i just got outta the shower... theres water rolling down my back ... mm .. showers are magnificent .. so are people like hayley kailee mali and jeffer.. a few others too ... but peopel like them make me feel better.. unlike people who have no lives...

i ate lunch with mellisa... we talked abotu our former bi sexual moments... mostly mine .. cuz none of hers count heheheh ... shes so adorible im glad i have lunch and choir with her .. choir shoudl be interesting .. i cant wait to sellt he chocolate.. ive been on a chocolate fiend latly .. im hoping that means period ... lol my mom said im deffinitly gonna get it now cuz every time i go i get it so when they take a piss test i have blood in my urine and they can never give me a pelvic exam... i shoudl have put up a warnign for the guys who read this for those last few statements lol ... hope fully they will put me back on the pill ... i dunno why but i liek haveing a daily thign liek a daily dose for medicine or a daily task ... even tho i can never get intot he whole workign out thing .. i think i will go do some sit ups ..... maybe but i shoudl go do soem english home work ... in the mean time cv????

muuuah












vic

i wanna give you whatever you need

new semesters decent .. very few book s... very few .... rush? ... ja know .. i get a 4th period study hall to .. play with this thing and then i get to do all ym other home work .... so yea.. god job tori .. way to be a slaker and get away with it ...

im so sick of listenign to logan ........ irritating


i cant wait till friday ... i cant wait to give jeffer her presents!!!!!!!!!!! shes gonna love them!

mmm .. i feel so good right now .. ender will save us all ...
i wanna give you what ever you need
what is it you need
is it what i need
i wanna give you whatever you need
what is it u need
is it with in me

its hard to explain how i am gettig by on so little from u
its hard to beleive that i woudl get so wrapped into you
we need a connection but u seem to push me so far away from you


from you
from u
the harder i push the farther i fall
well u dont mind me being head strong .. .
but you dont want to sing along ....
maybe its trite but i cant always be wrogn .....


morgan makes me smile inside... i was so upset on the bus and i just curled up and took a nap on him .. lol hes so adorble u know how little kids pet animals with thier fingers spread up wards and they only touch them with the palm .. u know how its like they have very little motor skills ? well he just randomly pets me like that ... lol its cute.. but yea.. i went and talked to travis today and danielle wanted to slit my throat but it was important .. so she can get of her high horse alreadi .. jeez with these peopel and logan calls me stuck up !? lol

te amo

vic

*oso emo*

its hard to explain on how i am gettign by one so little from you
its hard to beleive how i would let my self get so wrapped into you

obsessive much ?

hear that kiddies? the dumb bytch has a blog devoted to my demise.. abotu how much they hate me .. how horrid and skanky and slutty and nasty .... i am ... hmm .. i think they like me hahahahah ...
ps if its on here its a blog not a journal ... u want a journal get one ... www.livejournal.com or if u want a life get one
www.crazylife.org
cuz i have both ... but u seem to know your shyt .. maybe u have my sn or somethign ... cuz then youd know about all of it ..

so any way .... i went into cville today .. michael had a dr appt .. i got jeffers xmas present .. *so excited* ... but saturday i have to go back to cville to get somethign .i dont memeebr what right now but while im there i shoudl get kailees bdai present too .. i have no clue what to get her .. jeffer was easy ..... next friday at 3 im goign to the dr .... due to my lack of period.............. omg......... im sooo worried .. cuz i shoudl be gettign it any day now if i just skipped one... i pray i get one ..... or at least i pray im not pregnant.. but i dont think i am .. i would be 4 and a half mnths pregnant........ and im not that fat .. lol but yea.. i shoudl eb fine

so i had fun i got to hang out with mom for a bit ..i told her abotu a certain some one wantign to get into my pants and she just said i told you so ... and gave me more cake lol then i told her about cuttign off the bad people ... and i said logans prolly the only white kid workign at auntie annes hahahahh ... then amalie blew me off .... cuz i dont think kathryn likes me at all any more .... o welll



vic

*yawn*

*sigh* ... u dissapoint me ... i come ona nd try to find this heart breaking nasty little comment from this anon brat.... but ya know what .... bieng called gay is sooooooo 2nd grade! common u obviously know me in person so you would know since 8th grade ive been bisexual .... so uh .. im used to it ? ... u were never to great at this whole terroizing thing .. i could give you dannys sn .. he coudl teach you a thing or too ... he knows all the power words .. like slut and cunt .. and the words that make you feel dirty liek cumslut and ya knwo .... words that strike you and your not sure why .. cuz u know your not one .. but it just sounds to vulgar and offesive.... did i mention danny never did get me upset..... so yea even if you were as good at him in this whole third grade sheme ..... i woudl still ask you to hit me harder... ur not even ammusing at this point so go find a dictionary .... a dic dic dic dictonary ... u obviously know they exsist or maybe you dont know what it is .. well its a book people use to find out new words.. or correct spellign .. liek you liek to do ... cuz u have somethign shoved up ur ass ... prety damn hard cuz its imparing your thinking ... cuz gay ?! common .. u coudl have thought of somethign 10 million times better.... jesus christ ... but any way .. get this dictonary ... learn some words then come insult me and at least ammuse me this time ...

u stupid cum slut ... quit wastign my oxygen with your shyt breath ,,damn cunt


adios

vic

your losing your touch

yesterdai i went to malis house .. we built her a blog .. ( www.thisdotthis.blogspot.com ) she kiks your ass shes awsoem .... but yea

i went to an auction today ..t hat lambs joint .. my family goes there a lot but im always workign .. so yea i went and the one son ... his name was rusty ? ... holy fuckign hell .. sooooooooo cute! but yea...
i got a bead loom and a planter for sarah ...

i really dont feel liek being social at the moment .. *yawn* ,,,,,..... i cant wait till friday ... jeffer is havign a party... i love her i met her mom todai ... *smiles*

well im outtie


vic

i love noticing things

have you ever noticed that people in europe go to other countries for vacation and see all different sorts of culture and things .. that you wouldnt imagine seeing here.. liek were almost in this box where peopel dream of goign these places .. while they are hours away ...

americans are soo closed into their little country ... you dont hear peopel tlaking baout thier easter in dublin ... u hear about SPRING BREAK CANCUN!! and yea.... im disgusted... america should be more .. diverse i guess..... or it shouldnt .. but i want to be in europe where it is ... *sigh*

out

vic

thnk you flint for knowing what im going thru

AngryMohawkDwarf: Mr. Right Rejection Form Letter



Dear (____rejectee's name here____ ),
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as my Mr. Right.

As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:

[Check all those that apply]

___ Your breasts are bigger than mine.

___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.

___ The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing.

___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.

___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me one.

___ Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then you can't GET into my pants.

___ Your "Putting on a few, aren't you babe?" comment, given the 9-months pregnant size of Your Own beer gut, was inappropriate.

___ You failed the credit check.

___ I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.

___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.

___ The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.

___ You still live with your parents, and attending night classes to get your High School diploma, are slight negatives.

___ You mention your ex-wife's name more than you mention mine.


AngryMohawkDwarf: hahaha, there ya go

RIP

btw...

R.I.P. for janices rat scarface/ratticus

*stomach is hungry*

wow ... stomach .... i deffinitly need to eat soon but first ill post
k so this mornign i slept in a bit ... and left semi late ... i would have been just on time btu instead i had to run back home cuz i left my physics notebook on my bed and i had exams .. so yea then i run up the hill ... just to relize to bus is waitign for me .. she never waits so im tryign to run and my body just stops... ive never been very physical but strap a bag on my back and hand me a few stuff to carry and i am so un cordinated .... i couldnt breath ... i coudlnt move .. i was stumbling up the hill .. life would be easyier if it wasnt such a fuckign hill .. so i explode onto the bus and she sliek run next time and i shrill out sorry and that i cant breath and stumble to the back of the bus and collapse... im pretty sure im semi asthmatic .. i was in so much pain .. i cried a little cuz i knew that today was gonna suck .. so yea

i get into first period and kailee is spazzing ... this girl has so much goign for her she has such a kik ass life .. and shes losing it over an exam .... i cant even worry about that sort of thing any more.. it no use.... so i uh .. maybe got a 53 on it ? ...... *very sad* but i did what i could .. physics sucked! ... sooo much .. but yea... then i had lunch .. and person was in there.. i went and talked to him at the end... um ... no one decided to tell my i looked horrid todai ... o well ... it doesnt matter.. its nto gonna happen ... speaking of that sort of ish .. morgan told me that he thinks he sonly a teddy bear to me ... *sigh* .. and his friend told him to " please tap that" .... self esteem .. sky rocketed,,, lol but yea... i took my prob and stats exam .. it was long as hell but it wasnt to hard..

i hate how i look with my hair pulled back


lalala ... im gonna go find some food .. in the mean time go listen to some ani .. and smile


muuuah

vic

take a chance you stupid ho

laugh harder i cant hear you

geico comercials are funny ..

i painted heyleys fingernails totdai .. she looks liek an easter egg ... then i attempted to beat every one in poker agian ... hahaha ... didint work .. hayley left the sweetest message on my blog .. the bytch/ slut one

i saw ethan today i almost walked square into him i think hes workign on that whole gettign over me bit .. cuz im pretty sure i heard a few names come outta his mouth ... it makes me laugh when people hate me so much ... they dont understand that i dont fuckign care but they keep tryign to push me off the ledge to make me feel bad.... sorta liekw hen i get sent to the board.... yea who wants to be sent to the board.. btu who really cares.....


grrrowl .... i need to get ahold of flint ....

hasta

vic

*celtic knot*

im gonna grow up to be a celtic folk singer..... yes... reach in and digggggg realllllly deep to my itsy peice of celtic heritige .. only god knows why i have red hair... and devote my art to the eerie beautiful lines of the mystic life size curly red heaid fairies ....... '

im not obsesive? in the least! lol

well manana i have my exams..
things with person confuse me latly... but thats ok .. cuz the semesters changing so if i have a class with him i ll go for it if not .. then i wont and life will work it self out ...
carter made me feel better about person ... *smiles* he said pappa !! lol

*luck*

vic

u know you want it

so to day ended up decent to ipassed outo n my bed after my last post .. it felt so good now im talkign to a few people .. hmm looks liek i gained a fan .. look at their nasty little commments.. aint they cuuuute!

look i acknowledged you already woudl u get over ur middle child syndrom bullshyt already ? its really quiet stupid.

so yea .. last nigth was fun i cut my strings im cleaning my social bits up ... only keepign the peopel who are healthy for me .. i got rid of some of the worst latly ... this year is a pretty good year for me ... i mean besides a little drama here and there.. life calmed down so much after i met ryan .. *sigh* o well its for the best ...

josh was actually nice for liek a split second today

worried me

i started to learn how to play "play crack the sky" by brand new its easy ... i was gonna bring my guitar to school manana ... but guess agian .. no way im draging that on and off the bus

mali asked me to come home with her friday ... i think i will i dont feel like being by myself for fourth ... plus i need to check out her new bed...hahah i love fuckign with matts head at lunch ... hes soooo perverted it pisses me off now so i yell at him but i could do no wrong.. boobs irritate me .... o well

im gonna do my nails again .... mermaids!

muuuah star fuckers


vicks

first i was mainly a slut now im a manipulative bytch

good day!
its soooo pretty!!i love this weather .... omy!
so today was good ... sept i think kent is making a mistake .. i dont think hes ready for this mess hes leapign into .... hmm ... i hope today is better then yesterday i have so much laundry downstairs waitign for me though .... o well i ll do it but i think im gonna lay down till about 5 .... my room is heavenly ... very ... so imy person wasnt quite as agressive today .. but im thinking thier might be something .. but i dont knwo if i want it ... im worried abotu my self ... well ill think about it ..but im gonna go lay down

love.

vic

spoke to soon

fuck you and your games im to old for any of you ... im to far gone for any of this i dont want to hear about how you could make me go wild with your tounge i dont wanna listen to your gawdy fake irish accent i dont want to feel like im in a separete world from some one who i want to care about me .. i dont want to talk to you

i grow up to fast i grow another year every time my mom tries to raise a hand to me .. she tried to shove my face into the toilet like u shove a dogs nose into its piss to teach it wrogn .. she did it because i couldnt hear what she was talkign about over her vacuming ... all she had to say was make sure you getthe inside of the bowl .... she grabbed my pony tail and i looked at her liek she was madd ... then she raised a hand to me and i went to block it as she got all high and mighty " what do u want to hit me ???" "no i want to block you" ... what else woudl i do sit and take it liek some weak abused child? ... im 17 ... i dont tolorate this shyt ... she is incapable of being civil and sane .. she needs drugs ... im sick of this shyt

i m sick of this teen age bs too .. im tired of feeling raped .. im tired of beign every ones out .. every ones off .. im tired of being asked for nakid pictures im sick of my boobs getting holes stared into them .. im sick of no one wantign to treat me right im so different than any one .. every one wants sex .... lot of it .. i could care less right now .. what i want is some one to show up and say hey tori lets go see a movie and get a cofee or wanna go to the mall with me ... meet my friends .. have a good time get outta the house... its all i ever want .. i want out of this house and i want to be with peopel i dont have to flash skin at ...

i dont want a boy friend i want a date ..... i want some one mature .. i want soem one i can identify with i want some one who wont sit thier and tell me how much he hates my family .. some one who will try and make it better for me .. who can reach out and say tori lets not think about it .. lets go do a puzzle .. lets go try on hats at the local thrift store and pretend were famouse and walk down the down town mall and snub our noses at old peopel ... and be silly .. i want to go to a drive in and play tag and smiel and laugh and roll around but then snuggle up and smiel and kiss and watch the fuckign movie!! im tired of guys and thier fuckign hormones and im tired of chasing this imposible person .....

i refuse to be lifes little whore any more ... im done .. im to old for all of you .. im to differnt .. im to real for you to want


fuck.

Vic.

*mmm ... nice ness*

its been so beautiful latly .. the weather is absolutly perfect... i have the fan on in my room and i took of my fishnets so im chillin ina a tee and a denim skirt..... it feels soooo good! .... o my ... so any way i got around to calling penn state about the letter .. they said its justa letter and that they will be gettign to me about my application soon though ,... im hoping this is positive.. but yea... ive had an awsoem day today i actually got up and did my hair which i notice makes this one friend of mine crazy and i did my eye make up so i looked realllly cute today ... and need less to say he was deffinitly sniffing around.. he came behind me and held my by my waist... i might have turned purple i got so red.... but yea... tori be smart about things and think with your brain ... the intuition in your heart is to finiky .. let it gooooo!
but yes.. is was a good dai .. and it still is...

ill come back later
muah

vic

god and the world around him

latly ive been thinkign about religion ... i almost regret not having one any more .. i ran across this guys blog http://emmentaler.blogspot.com/ hes from where i usta live .. it reminded me of christ covenant ... it was the best church ever,, it hink its the churches aroud here that contributed to my loss in faith tho ... every ones tryign to shove thier veiws down your throat but at christ covenant omy... i was happy to be there .. i felt liek i was learnign somethign i felt part of somethign important and i didnt feel leik people were gonna hate me if i slipped up a little ... but i moved here and life went to hell .. i ended up kissing a few girls .. i never said o my god till i was here for like 3 years.... never said it ... i dont realy think cussing is a sin but you know ..every one has thier loose interpretations some where.. that was mine .. but i got mad at god because he wanted to damn me to hell cuz i loved soem one he didnt approve of ... so then i went on this spiritual path .. and a self dicipline path where i ate only to not pass out and i cut i went through wiccan and anton levay - ism ( satanism but the good kind) then i just decided i couldnt beleive in anythign bigger than the world... id ont know if i ever did ... but i kind of miss the community and the ideas sorta liek i knew theres no santa but christmas is still the same

well i have to go now

vic

mothhhher fucker

omy.... sorry i wasnt quite .... with it last post...i deffinitly had plenty! of fun at janices house...and got to re live it today ..... not fun ...
i went to the mall and stopped by pac sun to see if kailee was workign .. she wasnt ryan was there tho .. its so wierd im so used to not being rememebrd so i have to reintroduce myself but he knows who i am ... its eerie .. but yea so i wa sliek hmm nice necklace and he was liek thnks and i was liek yea! i made it! lol .. hes super nice im soooo glad for kailee....

virgin cell fone covers are a rip off!! ... 12.99 while on sale! not happening ... but if discovered that if i talk for more than 10 mins .. it doesnt charge me ..... i hope it stays that way ! hmm ...


vic

x.happy.new.years.x

yay!! its 05!!im gonna be 18 .. im gonna graduate high school and im gonna start college ... what a year this will be


resolutions

get thin before i move
exersize
less carbs
no bullshyt relationships
no kissing potential std ridden jag offs who have slept with any one (not that ive done this but its comign to my attention)
better grades
keep my good friends
go out more
be better with money


ok osunds good for now


i spent last night at janices house with her bf john ... it was kewl hayley and chris and jeffer and pete pete and my jimmy!! all came by earlier .. so it was kewl ... we watched the south park marithon and just chilled out ... it was kewl
i sorta wish i went to the first night thing with ym family but ... o well .. se la vi (sp)
today we might go see a series of un fortunite events.. good stuff but im gonna run now

adios

vic