Monday, May 30, 2005

random quiz...

What Icons are for you? by ladyallie
Username
Favourite Colour
Sex
Your Love icon is...
Your Sad Icon is...
Your Happy Icon is...
Your Angry Icon is...
Your Food Icon is...
Your Animal Icon is...
Your Random Icon is...
Your Cartoon Icon is...
Your Sexy Icon is...
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Sunday, May 29, 2005

.....maybe i dont want to be strong....

breakign benjamin - sooner or later

i cant listen to this song and not hear him ........well try to sing it .. on my play list...

ive finally figured out its nto worth it ...

but i listen to this song and i dont want to be strong..
i want to fuck his brains out ..
but i also want himt o want me ...
and unfortunitally i can not have both ...
so i must have none...

fuck memories...

civ

....yep......

wanna know what irks the fuck outta me ?

guys who say yep.... like ur just chillin out .. not talking and they just go ....yep.... and what are you sposed to do ?! like if im boring you ... get the fuck over it when was i assigned your entertainment... and if for some odd reason its cuz ur happi im there with you then reach out and give me a squeeze and lemme know ur happi ... and not bored off ur ass... o and if its the verrrrry rare occasion (but it has happend) that i just make you to nervouse to make conversation...... dont say anything at all if all your gonna say is yep.. its rude and it makes em not wanna be near you ...cuz you never know ...sometimes i might like you back just the same and i enjoi just sitting with you saying nothign ..............



*my rant for the dai*

vic

Thursday, May 26, 2005

all ive figured out how to be is sex appeal and shock factor, your professional entertainment

ok so todai was ...deffinitly a day

first things first i debate what im doing.... i know im just being weak and pathetic and going with the things im used to ...
i gave him the letter nay way
im still debating what i wanna do with that ... i almost just said screw it ..fuck it all .. i dont need this .. no letter... but im the girl who wants to change every one ... so he got the letter and i dont know wat to do prolly let him fuck with my head a little more and hope somethign good comes along in the mean time...

theres more to that too

i got my lighter cover from steph tho .. its awsome as fuck!

woot!

so then i go to class .. and sleep .. then second ... im allreadi and rareing to go ... open note exam woo hoo! ... i sooo forgot my note book and started to cry cuz fuck .. thats an exam .. but he said the paper i turned in todai is 50 percent of the grade so yea.. i shoudl be ok .. not great but ok .. and yea thats good enough ...

i managed to finish alot of the exam even though i ddint know most of it ..

third period was decent ... then i get to lunch ..... have a tiff with travis ... iw asnt even that mad to begin with but the fact he wasnt even sorry just made me feel so much worse cuz latly every ones going out of there way to fuck with me ..and not a single appology ... fuck them
shane signed my year book ..... made my day a little brighter......awsome

then i have an awsoem convo with amanda burgos... shes a fuckign sweetheart!

i slept fourth period...... almost compleatly.. and then george took me home .. i was walkign up the way to the parking lot and adam sort of dropped back and walked with me a couple steps... i wanted to hug him and smile and ish liek every thing was fine................... im pathetic... then he ran up with drew and that was the end of that .. in the over flow justin was leaning on a car .. fuck hes georgouse... hes another person who could fuck me over hard and i woudl forgive him ....i gave him hugs and my cell number maybe one day he'll call ... i dunno .. not to worried about it ... its just nice to hug someone who at least pretends to care... so then in the car with george...
we drive to scottsville to get gas and i call mom to tell her what is up ... and ill be kinda late...
the car breaks down half way from scottsville to my house..... mother fucker... rigth at 420 .....lol ...but it starts up again a few mins later ... kewl .. we make it to the lake and it starts getting shakey again .... we cut off the engine to get in and it does not start up ..... well drew and adam are at subway so i walk george up to subway and chill for a few ... admireing adam ... but still debatign what on earth to do .. and him and drew go inside with ricky and i chill with george till john comes out ... ......then i decide its home time .. i start walkign home and jeremy and his mom pick me up and drive me the rest of the way wich is good cuz it is very hot out ...


so then i get home adn dad has jumper cables.... so i try to call george ..but i dont have his number so i call jeremy and ask for it but get drews cell instead... tell him tot tell george and he said he woudl and that george woudl call me ...... didnt happen .. btu o well ... so yea.. i just got back upstairs.. mom brought us mcdonalds so now i feel all full and grody ... but it was semi yummy...? eh im not in a junk food mood...


wellill stop now .. that was the majority of my dia


muuah babels





vic

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

i want it all, is that to much to ask

my eyes are watering
but maybe its just the smoke
i dont like her
but its cuz i dont trust her
maybe for once i am not talking about you
but you never know
youll want him forever
but you protect the ones that want you most
for once this isnt about you
i dont want him hurt
but maybe its only because i want him to worship me
im nto stupid i know
i know im the first choice
but you arnt stupid either
you know i wont have you
but why shoudl i want you to want any one else
i dont know her
but i see her as fake
but maybe i only see me as real
this isnt about you
but it isnt about him either
maybe im broken
little girls are nto born to obsess
to absess
to recess
this isnt about her
it shouldnt be about me
its about waiting
and the games we play in between
about booty calls gone morbidly wrong
about romeo and juiliettes formed on a fling
about little girls with fragile hearts
who want nothign more than every thign

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

so i want you dead, is that so bad?

ok so ive been reali good and trying not to obses... but in the car i woke up to a song i have a clip of him singing on my computer....

yea...

then they realy liekd the song cold by cross fade.. and played it over and over again ..... why the fuck am i so emo

but the trip was awsome as fuck! i hung out with teddy alot hes awsoem the best cousin ever! i so have to come out to california .........


uh i have a lot to say but yea.. idotn think ill say it cuz yesterday doesnt matter...

and neither do you

Friday, May 20, 2005

wishful thinking onli works on tv

ok so i was feeling tons better and than i had my bdai party

it kicked ass!

janice john sarah and laura and jen were the main peopel there .... hayleya nd chris and jeffer and pete showed up later but left quick cuz we have presentations in the morning ... but yea.. janice got me a dead kennidys cd and laura got me a gift certificate for plan nine ! woot whata recod store should be! im sooooo going out to get my bikini kill cd asap! .... i neeeeed that cd lol ... well everythign was awsome john was liek the onli guy there for the most part and we all started to talk about our boobs and tampons and ish .. he liekd the boob part cuz yea he was surrounded by like 5 girls grabbing thier boobs... o yea! lol ... laura and john smoked so we spent alot of time on my back porch .. and it smeels leik smoke .. but i like the smell ... but yea.. i was doing soooo great totally happi till john adjusted his hat... backwards.. and i was immidiatly back in the hall with " him " yesterdai and he put his hat on me backwards leaned down and gave me a kiss,,, his kisses made me melt .. every time ive ever kissed that boi i wanted to never stop .. so i snapped back to reality and got uber depressed but no tears thnk god! ... and i should be fine i mean im goign to pa tomarrow and wont be back till wednesdai .. and yea ill onli have to see him liek 3 more dais.. and hopefully that ll make it easier...

me and laura are gonna be together liek all summer !! lol i love her soo much ...

fluco fest was awsoem i got to hang out with denny abit and im sure he thinks im stalking him .. he just makes me feel so good inside hes ... so... i dunno refreshing? ... and yea when i was around him i felt liek i was better then the situation again .. like maybe people were rigth and i deserved better and yea... i felt happi for even a split second... dont read so far into that .. i mean hes good people to have as a friend.....

travis was sposed to show at my party.... didnt happen ...

jam band kicked ass todai !! weee! i love my george!! and parker makes my day him and his churchyness lol .... i rememeber him preaching to me when i was a freshmen and i was in love with josh neeley... lol and drew was utterly amazing .... i almost started wigging out tho ...cuz watchign him i wa sliek wow .. then i was liek hmmm he smokes alot of pot .. then i was liek yea with adamm.... and then i started to blame him and i got mad at myself for blaming him and yea... drews awsoem and he seems super nice.. i m not hating him at all .. this has nothign to do with him ...

im so proud of them tho ....


i have presentations in the early morning so i must go finish that and then sleeeeeeeep ... hopefully ill dream of someoneelse and ill be happy ...

i dont need his bs... btu it wont ever stop me from wantign it ...


but i dont think ill ever touch that again ....


thnk you for being there ..


tori

over it

ok well the last few days were hell i was workign way to hard for somethin iknew i wasnt gonna end up with ... and well guess what last night a lot happend and i dont even know what she siad to him but you know what .. its over .. he wants shit to do with me and i know i was being lied to alot so yea.. its done im over it now im not gonna lie i bawled my eyes out all dai todai but you know what .. i feel so much better ... all of my stress and pent up worthlessness feelings have disapeared... freinds are awsome people and screaming even if onli at fluco fest makes every thing feel better.. fuck i even got my voice backkk . ... he wasnt healthy for me and he was hurting me psychologically which was fucing with my body ... i havnt eaten ne thign today except for ice cream lol ... and i feel fine this mornign i thought i was gonna puke every where i was shake ing and super upset but i feel fine now .. and if he does want ne thign to do with me he can shove it ...

my birthday party is startign at 6... its gonna be fun ... and im glad he wont be here

im glad its over ... im just pissed i had to be lied to for so long ...


i dont liek liars i dont liek pot heads and ass holes just suck as a rule


*starz*

tori

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

how...

how could some who makes me sooooo depressed make me so utterly amazingly uncontrolibly happy.... and turn around and amke me sad again//////..........


i dont like how wehn i see him im estatic but when i talk to him online i wanna die .....................blah

ijust wanna reach out and grab him.......


did i mention how amazibngly georgousely hot he is too??:



blah... tomarrows my 18th bdai!!! hopefully ill be getting a ride home ;////////





-vic

Sunday, May 15, 2005

create

i realy just need to make something right now....


must...make...art.........

cheshire cat... it sucks but yea ... im that bored

im only happy when it seems compleatly innapropriate
maybe its because there is nothign i can lose
there is no chance for me to be unhappy
or maybe im not sane

i smile when strangers joke
i sit alone in my own little world and watch you
and smile when your happy
who wouldnt be glad about some one elses joy

im only happy when i should be crying
and when i should think about dyeing
self defence
nothign more

when every thing closes around me
and somethign small props open the door
why woudlnt i grin for days?
why shoudlnt i be happy

theres nothign else to do

im only happy when it is innapropriate
im only happy when i have no reason
dont let the smiles fool you
my life isnt worth your time

but im happy ....
cuz no one else can be happy for me

Saturday, May 14, 2005

i love the way the sky glows before a mid afternoon thunderstorm

i just got off the foen with jamie... he makes my dia.. lol im realy loud when i talk on the fone too so i hope they didnt wake up .... cuz then id be in some trouble...

my bday is sooo soon..... i have work tomarrow.....


i feel alittle better todai ... i just wish he wasnt so unhappy...



i love you but im off



civ

Thursday, May 12, 2005

uh huh

ok i9 lied .... there will be an actual ex there with me...... one of the ultamate exes... one i dont think i will ever have a normal convo with again ....



renee...........



fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck .. why the hell is she goign to vcu !? ... sarah was like yea.. alot of peopel dont liek you .. like ansel and renee and joe .. i wa sliek what did renee say ...
she said she and sarah shoudl room together and sarah was like ooo im sorry im with tori .. and renee said good luck ....


ha!



omg i have to go but i onli hav eliek an hour till my fix!!


ugh this is bad

at least i know im fucked up

ok so yea i appologized to mail .. when she gets that i have no clue but yea... i m jelouse of them but its not liek i wanna be with him ... or yea... cuz im happy in my situation right now .. so amazingly head over heals happy ......but i have a jelousey issue


o well
doesnt matter in richmond i will not be around ne exes... well chet was an ex fling but i got over that liek last year! ..... uhhh

hopefully i wont be single when i leave to so yea...


fuuuuuck .. i dont liek waiting till 10 oclock .... every night this week ... well besides monday and tuesday but yea....... hmph!

tori is spoiled rottttttten






off to make my paper and listen to music

fuck athority - penny wise ....... makes my day for somereason



bye starshine .. make 10:00 now!!!

beyond like

first off im not sorry i got caught im sorry ima shytty person and that ive embarassed my self and every one else.... but im not talkign about that ... ever again thnk you


second ... yes you called me an attention whore and yes i do not care cuz its too late now ... i couldnt be your friend right now ne way .. i dont deal well with people who talk to my exes..., sorry i am a bratt .... sorry !


but yea





ineedtogo!

vic

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

battle plan

omg! yay !
i get my entire life back thursday!!!!! mom says im grounded till then and she wants my virgin fone and no tv and no computer sept for my project till thursday then she said she never wants to talk about it again! omg! that means my summer will not suck liek i thought it would and omg! ...... wow ... im sooo happy.. and this means my certain plans with a certain person will not be fucked up .. and life will be perfect.. beyond perfect.... no one could have better timing .. omg iloveyousomuch



eeek!
well i have to go to michaels soccer game!
bye babes!


vic

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

AngryMohawkDwarf: i promise i'll say something else cute and witty and blog worthy

flints life long goal .. to be in my blog always lol
jk


omg.. so today was a total upper vses the shyt of a week im having ... i just cant wait for it to be the end of school ... for sooooooooo many reasons...

im gonna leave this short and no point cuz yea.. secrets suck... and so do a certain persons freinds...


sore as a mother fucker!


vic

Monday, May 09, 2005

just so you know the only reason im alive is a certain person and a few little things , but that doesnt mean i didnt appreciate you

everythgin you do is a choice. every move you make every thought you think affects you . the people around you affect you . no one is as alone as they feel . the world is based upon rules and taboos and reputations.no one can appreciate them to the fullest until they fuck it all up.

she still doesnt beleive it happend, it still doesnt hit her there is a scarlett letter burning onto her chest, it wont hit her until its ways over and then it wont matter. she wants to die , to start over. she feels liek she lost.. what a stupid game it was .. how short how pointless and full of negativity. moral to life.... never get caught



im sorry for every one im affectign .. im sorry for the trust im losing im sorry for the play for the governers school for college for peopel who will nwo hate my for my parents , for my dads job ....


game over
nothing left to do but wait...


civ

Sunday, May 01, 2005

is a cutter still a cutter if he just cuts his whole fuckign arm off?

im allll kinds of sore.....

nothing is better then sleepign with someone .. not fucking... sleeping... nothign is better... i just wish it wasnt a one time occasion


prom kicked massive ass i got ot see ashley basham......and i got to hang out with logan and i got to give adam hugs and ... lots of stuff i saw chris and jimmy and .. yea it was awsome o! and i got to dance my ass offffff ... i love dancing.....!


muah babes


off to rest my sore body





vic