Not doing this for my health.

So I am not going to go into the literally dozens of reasons why my latest ex boyfriend should have never been my boyfriend in the first place, but there is something I noticed, even from inside of the relationship.

I seem to have accepted dating men who are completely incapable of verbal affection (now completely unacceptable), and my way of attempting to receive said affection was a call and response. IE: If I said "Honey, I heart you :)" persons response should have been "I heart you,too :)" with out even thinking about it. Well seeing as how I am no longer in said relationship and I wasn't getting what I needed in the first place he obviously didn't follow this call and response, and I caught myself thinking "I am not saying this for my health, jerk" and at that point I realized I wasn't saying these things for him or us I was saying them just because I wanted to hear it from him. I suggest just picking up and leaving at that point. But I am stubborn and decided I wanted to make him someone I just wanted to say these things to, and not someone who I was only saying these things to to get him to say something sweet to me.
When you realize you are only saying or doing things only to get attention or affection and are not just happy being with the person you are with you should probably leave. Learn from me, I keep forgetting that these things should not be so hard or painful.

I don't know why it is so hard for me to accept the fact there is NOTHING wrong with me.

What do you mean I am not one of the guys?

I keep forgetting I have this little impairment that kind of, oh you know, pumps brain altering hormones into my body. Silly uterus.
For some reason I think that I need to keep up, that I need to be tough, that I can not back down. I need to change that... quickly. I am very close to completely breaking myself in a few different ways and I am too good to let that happen.
I am a beautiful, strong, independent woman.
But I am also soft, and sweet, and vulnerable.
I have spent far too much time having guys tell me these are bad qualities. I am done.
I am a girl and dammit, I am going to act like it.
Not going shot for shot with the boys, not pretending someone being an ass doesn't bother me and letting them keep it up, not letting men treat me like crap.

Trust me, you will appreciate it when it stops coming to a head and having me freak out.

Happy New Years Lovies.
<3